I’m 25. I’ve been a professional musician for 3 years. I am in a committed relationship with a man I love.
My music career appears to be on a precipice, but it hasn’t made it to the level of national awareness yet. I am attracting Grammy-nominated producers, good agents, etc. My career could escalate hugely in the next 5 years. I do not have unrealistic rock star goals (Lucinda Williams is a role model).
I am pregnant with twins. I’m deciding whether to keep them. I’m afraid if I have these kids now, I won’t have the energy or desire to pursue music success. (I would rather be at home with them… I think.) I’m essentially a small business owner. Plus, music means lots of travel, and the industry puts a premium on youth. My window seems more finite than it would appear to be in other industries.
My relationship with these unborn twins could be one of the greatest things in my life. I am certain that it would matter more to me than winning a Grammy.
That said, I could wait and start to have kids in 5 years or so. If I make it above the scrum, I might be able to coast on my music business achievements for longer and hang on to my rung of the career ladder until I’m ready to start climbing again.
I think I could survive both an abortion and birth. I’d have a hard time with an abortion or with giving up music, but I would do what I had to to recover.
I’m stuck with all these feelings and no definitive answer. The clock is ticking. These babies are growing inside of me. Any advice?