Full-time INFP Working Mom Loses Mind

That subject lin will be a headline for an article starring me if I don’t make some changes.

I work in HR (accidentally landed and am now stuck in this field). I hate every second of it. I am essentially a babysitter for adults who lack common sense and the ability to use good judgement. I started as the Communications person for HR (translating mumbo jumbo into English so employees could see the real value of working for us). Now it’s turned into a chief of staff role for the VP of HR. We’re restructuring, launching an ERP, etc. I bloody hate it.

I have two beautiful children, ages 3 and 1 who are in daycare from 8 to 5, and I can’t afford to quit my job because the city we live in is overpriced.

I live in a city that I hate on most days. We have no family here, which I thought I would be OK with before I had children, but now I wish we had at least a couple of the non-crazies near us.

My husband loves the city and the industry he’s in and up until very recently was not open to change. (Now he is ready to make some life moves). I explained to him that we have 5 things in life that we need-I know we won’t always get all 5, but we need at least 3, and we currently have .5.

1. Friends & Family (network close to you that you can rely on)
2. Community Connection (the culture of your community aligns with your values)
3. Cost of Living is Logical
4. Career Opportunity
5. Education (good schools are within reach)

Question:

Where does one start when everything needs to change?

Posted in Setting Goals
4 comments on “Full-time INFP Working Mom Loses Mind
  1. Penelope Trunk says:

    You are never going to like working in HR when the alternative is staying home with your kids. HR is a service role in any organization. It’s a babysitting role even at the best companies. And changing careers right now, with a 1 and 3 year old is preposterous. It’s too much pressure on you.

    The best thing you can do right now is to get out of your job and take a break and pull yourself together. Figure out how to get a support system and figure out how to be a mom of two kids — it’s very hard to learn how to do that when you are putting all your energy to a full-time job that you hate. Remember: people can work a full-time job and have kids but that’s because their job actually energizes them to go home and give more energy to their kids. Yours definitely does not do that.

    Right now, your husband needs to earn enough money so you can stay home with the kids. Tell him you will live anywhere where he can do that. This is your number-one concern. After he commits to earning enough for you to stay home with the kids you can make up the rest as you go along.

    You can live in the middle of nowhere if that’s where he says he can support the family. (He won’t say that.)
    You can put your kids in a crappy school system until you get the guts to homeschool them (it’ll come fast).
    You can live in a terrible house in a town where you think you will make no friends (you will make them no matter where you are).
    What you can’t do is overcome the fact that you are working full time at a job you don’t like so you can put your kids in daycare. That is absurd and there is nothing that will make that better.

    If you start with your husband supporting the family and you deciding how the family should run, you’ll be a lot happier. You won’t be trapped with kids in a small town- you’ll be free from other people telling you what to do with your life. Right now your company and your daycare center run your life.

    Good luck.

    Penelope

  2. Anonymous says:

    Wow. Complete sense. Thank you for replying! I think he’s open and ready for that. He knows I’m not happy. I never imagined I would be a stay at home mom. my mom worked so hard to put me in private schools my whole life; I was the first in my family to go to college. We were broke. i said I would never be broke, and never completely dependent on a man. But just because i am home, doesn’t mean I am failing, weak or dependent.

    Wish I would have taken a step back a long time ago and stopped letting other people decide how I should live my life. Now I earn a decent living so it will be an adjustment. However, we are paying close to $2500 a month on montessori daycare, so somehow I think it will be easier than we think! THANK YOU!

  3. Ohio12 says:

    I would like to add the following encouragement….You are so lucky to be figuring this out when your kids are 1 and 3. You are at the perfect stage to make a big change that will make the life of your family so much better! They will be thrilled to have you home more and they are still young enough that you can live frugally for awhile, they haven’t put roots down at school etc etc. Please post back and update us.

  4. Cheri says:

    Update: I haven’t been able to convince hubby to make a big move. He talks a good talk, but I haven’t seen any real action. I’m not quite sure how this is going to play out.

    He’s “looking” and there may be opportunities within his current company to relocate all of us to a place where he earns a living for our household and I can spend my time being a mom. But we have to wait and see because it’s a start up and a million dominoes are being lined up now.

    So more waiting ahead. I’m not very good at waiting. Three months ago I did leave my HR job for a new one and now work in communications/fundraising. I’m not sure how I jump into these things, but I do. I’m enjoying the parts of the role that are me – writing/creating but still not enjoying the time away from home. It’s simply because my children are my priority, and no matter how much I may enjoy the job or the people I feel guilty and off balance. I sometimes feel ridiculous about being unhappy. I’m healthy, my girls are healthy, I earn a very good living and I’m not killing myself. I’m able to leave the office every day at 4 and my girls have a home-cooked meal almost every night. But the voice in my head tells me to fight for a life that I want, so I’ll keep trying.

    I’m writing this update for me so I don’t forget what I want or who I am.