I am 27 female INTJ (English and Creative Writing graduate) working in a lowly job in an English public sector. Words cannot describe how I hate my job and how little opportunity for development it provides.
I am married, only due to the fact that I could not possibly support myself on my shitty wages. I hate even the thought of having children and frankly, staying at home and taking care of anyone makes me feel sick. My marriage makes me feel sick and I would love to leave but…
I have childhood issues (my parents never loved me and do not love me now either) which render me almost impossible to live or function on my own – I always need a safety net, otherwise I feel like I am drowning. I have been in therapy in and out (currently in) for the last 14 years and the more I explore the more I find out that my biggest issue is that I cannot simply be myself. That I feel insecure to do so. It does not help that I cannot seem to find a job that would give me that security. Obviously, my role in life is not to be a home-maker. I need a career. But I generally hate whatever happens to me and whatever I do. So I keep thinking more and more I should just settle for something for INTJs that is well-paid because if I am not going to enjoy it, I might as well earn good money for doing it. Because I generally do not mind what I do as long as I can do it independently and that I deem it worthwhile.
I do admire the advice you are giving on career, however, it is hard to understand why you decided to have children. But hey, I might turn 35 and maternal instincts might kick in – biology is a mystery and is not to be treated lightly.
I was always drawn toward older men and it was a mistake to marry someone my age and maybe if I met someone my age I would look at the prospect of having kids more favourably but maybe it is just my insecurity talking. Either way, I would love some advice on how to get a career/forget about a relationship for now. It is sad to think that despite having 3 long-term relationship I have never had sex with anyone I love but it is even sadder that I have never enjoyed anything that I have done at work.
Just to be clear, I am not disrespecting anyone (regardless the gender) who chose family over career/the other way round. I think it is amazing that some people posses the self-knowledge that helps them making decisions they are happy with, whatever they are.