After 12 years of not a single date, desire, need or want for a man/companionship in any way, my coworker and I unintentionally fell in love. Loves me for who I am, your happiness is my happiness and all that jazz.
Problem is, he is sort of married. Not legally married but wears a ring, they share a child and a home. However, it’s an insane partnership where both have hurt each other in every way, constant fighting, one of those “were staying for the kids” relationships at this point. Mostly bad with good moments.
I lost my virginity to him. We told each other we loved each other and had sex all within a 3-month span. Lots of late nights in the office, however we only had sex the one time. When he kissed me I actually lost my breath and went weak in the knees. When we had sex, it was perfect in every way. He was wonderful to me.
The problem with all of that is, he has completely changed on me, even though he swore he wouldn’t and I’m miserable. I don’t know what happened, but he won’t talk about it even though he knows I’m an ENFJ and my two needs are communication and quality time.
One day he will sneak a handhold in from across the desk and tell me he loves me. The next he won’t even let me speak to him.
I decided for myself weeks ago that I was done, this was over, I deserve better, this is bullshit, etc. The hell of it is, I not only have to work in the same building, but we are the COO’s of the companies only two departments that go hand in hand.
I have constant anxiety.
I think what I’m struggling with is, I can’t decide on a story. Either I was a complete and utter fool who was someone’s mistress and lost my virginity and this was the biggest mistake of my life. Which is a hard pill to swallow when you have pride yourself on being a strong, smart hard worker with a healthy dose of confidence. This is very new, and if I’m being perfectly honest, pathetic feeling to me.
Or, as my friends like to tell me, I waited until I was almost 30 to have sex with someone I loved. With the person I have loved more than anyone in my entire life. And it was wonderful. And with all the growing and learning I’ve done, how could that be a mistake?
The real problem is this: I have worked my ass off to get this position. Worked my way up from the bottom, nights and weekends, many sacrifices, etc. I love my job. I am fantastic at it. I was made for management. I have hand chosen my team, and they are amazing. I have never worked so hard before in my life but somehow never tire.
I don’t know that I can with having to see him every single day. Because then it hasn’t really ended. I don’t have the luxury of choosing to not see him or talk to him.
So, should I stay or should I go? Would leaving be giving him even more power? This is more change in my life (in a very big real way) because of him? Should I stay in spite him, stand my ground and what not?
I bought my own house two years ago, I’m not making a lot of money but its the most I’ve ever made and am more than comfortable, financially speaking. I have no prospects job wise but a healthy savings.
Wherever you go, there you are, that’s a thing. I know leaving won’t resolve this but at least I wouldn’t be tormented by him and his games 10 hours a day.