Do I take this job?

I have been interviewing off and on for product manager jobs. I am so tired and exhausted from working startups and doing that. I’m freaking burned out.

Anyway, today I got an offer from a VC funded, pre-shipped startup who reached out to me.

I love the founder. I love the idea but there is part of the implementation that is bugging my conservative upbringing from an ethical point of view.

Also, I want a more stable company. I want to have a senior product manager to be my mentor and learn from in that role. I won’t have it here. I don’t want to have to figure it out anymore by myself, like I had to in my old startup.

I am an INFJ. Sometimes, an ENFP. Depends on the day.

What do I do?

Help me with my daughter’s attitude!

I have a 22-year-old that no matter what I do, it is wrong. Her memories are not what happened. I put her through 4 years of school and that was not good enough. I am a single mom who put my life on hold for my kids, which I have two.

Now I have finally found a man that I should have been with 16 years ago and we are back together. I moved in with him with my youngest daughter and everything is fine except my oldest who is 22 says and tells people I abandoned her for a guy and don’t love her. She has this attitude that I owe her anything she wants.

I want her a part of my life, I just want her to leave the attitude at the door. I have made mistakes as a parent, I am not perfect. Have I smacked her, yes. Have I punished her, yes. If I told her “I don’t like that color on you”, she took it as I called her ugly. No matter what I do or say I do nothing right. Please give me some advise. I am at my wits end and don’t know where to go.

Should I report my boss’s illegal activity?

I work as a housekeeping supervisor at a hotel in Massachusetts. The general manager of the hotel had invited a prostitute to stay in one of the rooms at the hotel for sexual favors as payment for her stay. She also used the hotel room for clients and drug use.

The reason for me finding out all of this is because she was to leave the hotel one day earlier (Per: The general manager). She was not willing to leave the hotel at check out time, so check out time was extended until 2pm (Per: general manager). 2pm rolls around and she has not left yet and I asked her to please pack up and leave. She was not willing to leave, she was promised 3 days at the hotel. I advised her that I was going to have to call the police. She got very angry and upset.

She told me she had text messages that proves that she had a 3 day stays at the hotel by the general manager. Come to find out it was true, and along with that being true all the messages she had were all about the G/M picking her up to bring her to the hotel, sexual acts, lunch dates, all the conversation were between him and the prostitute.  I do have a copy of all the messages.

The G/M does know that I’m aware of what was going on. He is not willing to speak to me about this issue, he keeps ignoring me and I want to resolve it. What do I do? Do I report this? How do I go about this situation. He put all of us housekeepers at risk when cleaning the room. There were used needles laying around and condoms everywhere. The place was a mess. Please get back to me with some advice..

How to get an older kid to admit he has Asperger’s

Thank you for sharing about your Asperger’s syndrome.  Thank you for sharing about yourself and your son.  Your article resonated with my wife and I and helped us see our adult son more clearly.

He denies that he has any sort of autistic tendencies, but everyone around him seems to see otherwise.  He appears to have blinders on . . . which is scary for those of us who love him dearly.  If I may presume to ask,  when did you first come to realize you had high IQ AS?  What helped you realize that?  Was it just getting older and more mature?  Could you have seen it sooner, with help from anyone else?  How do you separate your perhaps quirky tendencies as a person with a high IQ from those stemming from AS?

Our son has a very high IQ (160ish), and easily obtained a college degree with honors in literature and Spanish.  But he changed dramatically in college.  He came out very cynical and maybe even delusional.  He claims he is a poet, but he only wrote one major poem in college, and never had it published (although it was awarded best senior writing piece).

Since graduating three years ago, he has been unwilling (or unable) to get a job and says he is just waiting for the next poem to come to him.  He lives with his girlfriend, who is employed, with very few other close friends, which is precisely what you described in your article.  So what appears to be missing is his ability or even willingness to accept he may have AS and to get a paying job, maybe one not using his high IQ capacities.

So . . . any advice for worried parents?   Would love to hear from you!  Thanks again for sharing your article with the world on line.  That was a brave step in my view, and one I commend you on.

How can I deal with two employees hooking up?

Do you have any recommendations on how to deal with two colleagues hooking up in a company smaller than 15? In larger settings it happened and was okay because it usually wasn’t with people on your team, or that you worked with on a regular basis.

We’re dealing with this while we’re all in France. two of the youngest team members (23 and 24) (he is a subordinate and good friend of the CEO, and she’s the CEO’s EA) hooked up pretty early, and the behavior has just increased and made everyone uncomfortable. She’s currently using him as an errand boy, partnering with him to get a lot of her work done.

My boss asked me what we think we should do, but I don’t have a clue on how to handle this at such a small scale. The relationship has definitely been affecting work dynamics, and we’re all dreading the implosion for when things go sour. We both agreed that while they are two adults and should be allowed to do their own thing, we’re dealing with two very immature individuals, so there aren’t high expectations for this to work out in a positive way.

Do you have any recommendations on how to handle this? What should the policy be moving forward?

How to tell parents a preschooler has Asperger’s

I am an early years teacher and would like your expertise on this matter. I have a young girl in my class. She is 3 years and 9 months old and I have been talking to her mother in regards to her challenging behaviours. Her mother is not responsive and I have been attempting to get her a referral from the GP to a speech Therapist to help her with language.

Mum has asked her doctor and he said there is nothing wrong with her. Now the mother is angry and wants a sit down meeting to discuss what I obviously think is wrong with her child. I have lots of written reports which I can show her, but want to be really careful not to overwhelm her.

Here is a list of behaviours and development that I have noticed:

  • Resistant to change often screaming and will refuse to wear a spare hat if hers is at home but can’t understand that we need to have another hat to play outside.
  • Has a preference for male peers and often younger
  • imitates the actions/behaviours of others
  • clumsy gait
  • randomly hugs strangers
  • unaware of personal space
  • affection is over the top at times
  • pronoun reversal – even after explaining that Felicity is a girl so it is her hat will say his hat
  • Will scream at peers and adults without provocation
  • does not show concern when another child is hurt or sad
  • has trouble following routines and directions
  • has trouble sharing
  • will push over a much younger child and does not like to talk about how that would make her/him feel

Do you think I should take the wait and see approach, rather then distress the family who are already defensive?

What’s my best career move to do something more meaningful?

I am 23, graduated from UCSB two years ago in international development and business communication, and work for a four-person consulting agency with extremely supportive cofounders. Unfortunately, my desire to feel connected to a cause or issue is suppressed in my current career.

I’ve been circling my next move for about 6 months now and quite frankly, I just need to make a decision before I go crazy.  I know that I would love to do international development work with a focus on maternal and newborn health. I am considering joining the Peace Corps to carry out this step come January.

It would be a major transition for me and I just don’t know if this would serve me more than staying where I am now, or making a completely different move altogether. I know you would give wonderful advice to help me gain some clarity.

How can I launch my daughter with Asperger’s into adulthood

Hi – I just discovered your blog & feel excited + relieved to learn the potential joyful life for an Aspie woman. My creative, severely anxious yet improving child probably fits in the spectrum. There are about ten thousand events I wish to recount and then ask for analysis, but…

1 – What suggestions do you have for a part time time job for her? We live in rural northern NY State with access to a mall, fast-food places and parks/YMCA. My sense is that it’s time for my daughter to get more skill building, but it terrifies me that she might go into tailspins, experience traumas etc. I virtually force her to complete some tasks which come easy for most, have her repeat them and reinforce her success – such as pumping gas, using the self-checkout at Walmart. Need I add that she lives on-line, writing lots of fiction?

2 – How can I help her get into the school to sit for the SAT? No, she has no accommodations for her anxiety because she won’t go to a psych assessment (epic fail a couple years ago).

3 – Do you know any phone apps which would help with her executive functioning tasks? All that I have checked out seem only to help already-highly functioning people move from an “A-” to an “A+” whereas moving to a “D” would seriously be success for us.

Thanks a million from Mom of a Fabulous Daughter!

Which job is better?

I work for the state at a VERY relaxed (we can wear whatever- flip flops, tank tops- whatever) The thing is, I don’t have a lot to do. They acknowledge this. I am bored much of the time, which drives me nuts.

My conundrum is- should I interview for another state job (that pays more or an advance, but who knows what the atmosphere is)? It really is a good group I work with and I have worked for the devil himself in a female form in the past.

I’ve only been here 6 months. It could get better or not. I’ve asked for additional duties but none are available. I worry that my job could go away because of that, but when I expressed my concerns, they assure me not. But of course- it is government.


I feel like I’m in a job that doesn’t fit who I am

I’m 25 years old and I work in a senior advisor position within a government.  I help form decisions with some of the most senior elected officials that appear on TV news hour. I navigate political warfare, and I make more than the combined salaries of my parents.

But somehow this meteoric rise churns in my stomach since by night I inherently reside in another galaxy. I’m a hobbyist performer in breakdance/funkstyles/hiphop culture. I share communal practice space and session 3-4 times a week after work. I’m more in-tune with the grassroots arts organizations and people that meet what we call a “struggling artist” profile. I do local outreach with them in fact.  I know and can recite all the lyrics of Notorious B.I.G’s Big Poppa, prefer high top sneakers over oxfords, and generally grew up with this type of environment since high school.

I find myself in a space in life right now where I simply don’t have a place called home in the realm of social circle. Don’t get me wrong, I can mingle with the best of the suits in a networking session, but I’m genuinely not interested in hearing about how fast your Porsche 911 can go. In the same way I admire the artist community, I couldn’t find myself fully relating to some arts educators who tell stories about literally saving children from suicide by teaching them dance.

I feel there’s something wrong with me. I wake up many mornings wondering if I should pursue other things. Do “successful” people at mid 20’s ever face loneliness? What if I don’t find myself fitting in with the country club?