So, you’re the queen of writing posts and tweets that say things that some people love and some people think are crazy or offensive. I’m on the love side, of course.

I’m an INFJ, which means I’m a good writer, I’m (deep down) very sensitive, and I’m very judgmental (I always have opinions). After two and a half years of not being able to find a job, freelance, or start a business without getting pissed off by the people I’ve met, the severe disappointment has caused me to become a bit loopy. All of a sudden I want to start a blog (or something that has to do with writing) where I get to say whatever I want about personal acquaintances, bloggers I read, celebrities, whatever, no matter how offensive people might think my opinions are. Is this something I should embrace (a gift from the marketing gods) or is this blog idea a bad idea?

My boyfriend thinks that emotionally I am still a child, and I think he is right. I am needy and find it difficult to deal with disappointment or uncertainty. I manage fine with my degree (I’m in my final year and set to get a 2.1) but my personal life is difficult. I show some symptoms of Aspergers such as failure to read into what people say and do, failure to conform to social niceties such as small talk, and a dislike of change and certain physical sensations. However, not enough to get a diagnosis and I don’t think I actually have Aspergers.

I am in therapy and fired my last psychiatrist for being crap. While I get on better with my new one and think he’s actually helping, he is very busy and I can only see him once every fortnight. I’m officially in therapy for depression (now largely better), low self-esteem (still a problem) and paranoia (now better). It’s on the NHS and I can’t get another psychiatrist through my local service and can’t access university counselling because they won’t see me because I’m being seen my my local service.

How can I grow up emotionally?

I have talked with my therapist about the possibility that I might have Asperger’s Syndrome. She says she doesn’t think it interferes with my life enough to get a diagnosis.

Can you tell me what you think I should do to solve my problems?

I just received an offer letter from this morning. Should I counter back with a written letter? Or should I place a phone call to ask if they are open to negotiation regarding salary? In the letter the salary is stated and reinforced with a comment regarding their policy.

How do you feel about taking Adderall to get through the day? I have not been diagnosed with ADHD/ADD, but I have taken it to pass exams and get through days where I had zero energy and a million things on my to do list. The benefits are great and I wish I had a prescription.

Normally I am tired constantly even though I eat healthy, get good sleep and exercise 2 – 3 times a week. I am also normally anti-social and struggle to stay motivated at work, even though I work for a great company and enjoy my job. If I am not taking Adderall you can probably find me drinking Red Bull or taking a 5 Hour Energy, but it doesn’t compare.

I hate to admit how I rely on these things but when I see how happy, motivated, and focused I am, I gain the confidence I need. I’m in the early stages of a career I want to do amazing things with and I don’t want to get off track. If something so simple can make amazing improvement, is it worth it?

Do you have any advice on how to write a resume after being absent from the “real” workforce for close to 15 years? I am sure that I am turning off potential employers merely by what I am listing as my qualifications. (I’m a practicing fine artist, I ran our family business for seven years and homeschooled our son for the remaining seven.)

I am 38, my husband is 42. We have a 4 year old son. The last four years have been seriously challenging. My son has some medical issues (not life threatening, but requires lots of time with doctors and a lot of sleep deprivation for his parents). He is also has challenging behavior issues, which we are working on with the help of his pediatrician and most likely some counseling. Your previous posts on the challenges (the reality) of parenting really resonated with me.

Given the challenges that you have outlined in your previous posts..I often wonder why people have more than one kid. The only reason I am even considering another child is to give my child a sibling. What do you think? Should we try for another child?

I am turning 22 and I have no idea what to do. I am living at home with my parents and four younger siblings. I am unemployed and have only worked a few odd jobs since high school. I have taken a few courses at my local university but do not have a degree, let alone any idea what to get a degree in. I was never able to decide if there was any point in going back to school without a real focus.

I also have no social life, and if I do actually have any communication skills, they’re overshadowed by my social anxiety. I don’t know what I’m interested in or what my skills are. I feel so ashamed of what I’ve become that I avoid contact with people in case they ask me what I do or what my plans are. I can’t discuss anything with my parents and often pretend to be working on things or I go to the library so they think I’m busy.

This has gone on far too long and I’m desperate to do something about it, but I don’t know where to start. Could you give me advice on what to do?

My son has been found to be borderline at risk for Aspberger’s. He is very high functioning. I’m wondering if you had resources that you thought were better then others? Right now he’s lacking in pretend play and problem solving. He’s about to turn three. I am just starting to get to resources but feel the need to start helping him NOW. Not whenever everyone else gets around to it.

I have worked for the same company for 21 years as a sales rep,same boss for 20 years (new boss last year) traveled extensively, I am in my mid 40’s,single male (forgot to get married!) have done pretty good for not having a degree, well here is where I ask I wonder what Penelop would do.

I believe I am about to be let go, fired, laid off what ever you want to call it,and some days I am fine with it as I think change would be good, but on the other hand I am SCARED to death! I wake up at night with the horrible thought on my mind, what will I do!? I recently bought a house (first time buyer) have a company car, 401k, insurance etc. and the economy in southern california is terrible in the inland empire, I sort of have like a panic attack but then I try and calm myself down, then I am fine for a while and I think well, I better start to get a plan together….. but I have no clue.

My husband and I will both finish graduate school this year — he in [high-earning field], me in law. I have a job lined up to clerk next year, but after that, I’d like to have kids, and I’d like to stay home — either full or part time — to raise them.

My problem is this: I’m fine with sacrificing the lost income (and the years worked toward a promotion, the raises that I’d earn, and the subsequent raises that follow after that, the retirement contributions, health insurance, etc. etc.) but I’m not okay with bearing the brunt of our choice for me to stay at home in case of a divorce. It doesn’t seem fair to me that if I take five years off to have kids, we could later get divorced, and he will continue making six figures after he has enjoyed the benefit of having a stay at home wife, while the statistics — both about the legal field and about women — show that I will have a hard time getting a job, let alone a well paying one. And this will be because I took the time off to raise our kids.

Maybe the distinction I’m making between the lost income and the shared cost of childbearing is nebulous — in the case of divorce, I wouldn’t want my husband to have to pay me whatever I would have earned as a working lawyer in those years — I/we already chose to sacrifice that. Instead, I want him to share with me the financial burden I will bear for having made that choice. I don’t know how to calculate that cost — maybe I’ll have to hire a mathematician.

I’ve heard some suggest that women in my position should make a legal contract that would dictate how assets will be divided in case of divorce, that would somehow equalize partners’ positions. Do you know anything about this, or have any links to any such sample contracts? Do you know how to calculate the shared cost of the decision to stay home? I’m having a VERY hard time finding any good information about this online.

©2023 Penelope Trunk