I’m 25. I’ve been a professional musician for 3 years. I am in a committed relationship with a man I love.

My music career appears to be on a precipice, but it hasn’t made it to the level of national awareness yet. I am attracting Grammy-nominated producers, good agents, etc. My career could escalate hugely in the next 5 years. I do not have unrealistic rock star goals (Lucinda Williams is a role model).

I am pregnant with twins. I’m deciding whether to keep them. I’m afraid if I have these kids now, I won’t have the energy or desire to pursue music success. (I would rather be at home with them… I think.) I’m essentially a small business owner. Plus, music means lots of travel, and the industry puts a premium on youth. My window seems more finite than it would appear to be in other industries.

My relationship with these unborn twins could be one of the greatest things in my life. I am certain that it would matter more to me than winning a Grammy.

That said, I could wait and start to have kids in 5 years or so. If I make it above the scrum, I might be able to coast on my music business achievements for longer and hang on to my rung of the career ladder until I’m ready to start climbing again.

I think I could survive both an abortion and birth. I’d have a hard time with an abortion or with giving up music, but I would do what I had to to recover.

I’m stuck with all these feelings and no definitive answer. The clock is ticking. These babies are growing inside of me. Any advice?

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8 replies
  1. Penelope Trunk
    Penelope Trunk says:

    Here are some questions for you, and then I’ll send an answer back:

    1. How far along are you?
    2. Can the father support you and the kids?
    3. Do the people around you support you if you want to get an abortion?

    Penelope

  2. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    1. 9 weeks
    2. Yes. Ideally he would want to have them later, but he is supportive of either choice.
    3. Yes.

    I think I could be happy either way. I’m scared of the mental/emotional repercussions of giving up music when it might finally start “paying back.” I’m also scared that music just isn’t that meaningful when compared to these kids.

    • Penelope Trunk
      Penelope Trunk says:

      I think you should have the kids. If you are really talented with music – like, you would have been big before kids – then you can be big after kids.

      Some stuff about me: I have no time to write. I homeschool and I am the breadwinner so I’m really busy. But I still write. I write stuff that is just because I love to write. And I get inquiries from editors about writing my memoir, writing fun stuff for magazines, etc. So, my point is that because I’m great at the creative thing that I love to do, I’m fine, even though I’m overwhelmed with childcare duties. And this will be true for you, too, if you are great.

      Another thing about me. I had an abortion when I was 25. I did it because there was so much more in the world I wanted to do, it seemed crazy to have a baby so early. In hindsight it would not have affected my long-term career very much at all if I had had the baby. I would have been a writer no matter what. I just didn’t trust myself. And I would have been a high earner no matter what – it’s just who I am.

      This is all true for you, too. You are going to be who you are no matter what. Kids early, kids late, it won’t change anything. Whenever you have kids you will interrupt your career and take a pause. But the pause is not easier later. Women are always scared of the pause, no matter where they are in their career.

      My vote is to have the kids. I think, in the long run, you will never have a definitive answer about what was best. But in the long run you will love those kids so much that you will never doubt that this was the right decision because you love them. It’s how kids works.

      Caveats:
      I think getting an abortion is fine, and it’s totally up to you and no one should make the decision but you.
      I think it’s important that the guy you’re with is going to come up with the money to support the kids. You can’t support twins financially and take care of twins. Too hard.

      Penelope

  3. Colleen
    Colleen says:

    ohhhh, twins! :) :) It sounds like you love them already. The music will be there whenever you want to go back…these particular beings won’t if you abort them.

  4. Carl
    Carl says:

    Do you want the music you create to be about the twins you lost or the twins that you see everyday and the power of their love for you as they grow?

  5. Alex
    Alex says:

    I am often linked to youtube videos of musical families. Here is one example of parents riding on their childrens’ fame: http://lennonandmaisy.com/

    All I’m trying to say is that sometimes kids open doors, instead of closing them.

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