How do you deal with your siblings when they can’t see the abuse?
Penelope, I wrote to you recently that I resonated with one of your comments about abuse because it happened to me. I’m constantly working with therapist who has been very helpful. But I struggle to relate in any small way to my two sisters who have always denied the childhood we shared was abusive.
My therapist suggested writing to you asking how you’ve reconciled with relationships with siblings. How have you moved on from the grief & loss?
The sibling thing is not easy. My family talks openly about the abuse we suffered. I write about it freely and my parents accept that. They have apologized a million times to me and my brothers.
Each of my brothers has their own wounds from growing up in an abusive house, however it was definitely the worst for me. You’d think that would make my brothers have extra empathy for me, but it doesn’t. My brothers think I have brain damage from being beaten up and sexually abused and they have tried to take my kids away from me twice: a family intervention. I have decided to not hold that against them. Because there’s no point. I’ve kept my kids, and I keep onto the relationship I have with my brothers even though they think I’m a terrible parent.
If I didn’t have a relationship with my brothers I’d be very lonely. I’d also miss out on living with the shared experience. Broken families are terrible. I feel like the one thing I can do is stay in some sort of relationship with everyone because loneliness is also terrible. That said, my oldest kid won’t talk to anyone in my family. When my brothers show disrespect for me as a parent it really isolates my kids. My brothers don’t understand that.
So. Yeah. I don’t know what to tell you. No one will change. I mean, everyone changes but not in the ways we hope. So all we can do is accept people. I don’t know what else to do.