I am a 35-year-old queer lady working in IT. I  have been out at work as a lesbian for 10 years, and always felt comfortable doing so.

But now I’m hitting a new challenge in my life. I was recently unemployed for a year, and during that year my female partner went under treatment for gender identity issues, and changed genders to male.

The relationship has worked out for us, so I am now a queer lady partnered with a queer-identified man. The word “queer” seems to be the best identifier for me: I have a nuanced enough identity that I don’t identify as “bisexual.” I’m not in a “lesbian” relationship. And I’m into my partner, but not most guys.

In the last few months, I have found myself starting at a great new job, but find myself plagued by the feeling of being in the closet.

Having a girlfriend was always shorthand for saying that I’m gay at work, but now I have a boyfriend who doesn’t want the whole world to know — upon first meeting — that he used to be a woman.  If I told my coworkers the whole story — which might be too much right now anyways — I would be ‘outing’ him before he has even met most of them socially and has a chance to decide what he wants them to know.

How does someone like me avoid this feeling of being in the closet?

Socially I’m in a whole new world here.

I worked at a company for about 3 years, which was fine through the recession, but a new manager came on board with whom I fought constantly. Yelling and screaming matches were the norm.

Fed up, I quit and recently accepted a new gig. Now, just a month in, I hate it. It’s not for me, it’s a big company and has extensive travel requirements and other tasks that I don’t even want to deal with.

So, problem is that now I’m job hunting again – but with weight of not being able to get good recommendation from last employer and the new one is only a month in, not an easy story to spin.

Any suggestions on how I can fix this?

I am an older mom who is busy supporting a family and working as an ICU nurse.  I don’t want my daughter to repeat my lifetime of mistakes.  She is bright about many things but in school I feel she is an underachiever and does just enough to get by.  I have had many financial setbacks.  I lost my home, lived with in-laws and now live in a house that was a fixer-uper and I was never able to do the fixing up. I could go on and on. But enough about me.

How do I guide my teen to choose a career path that will be suitable for their abilities and potential. I have depleted all my savings just keeping the family going so its going to be a community college to start out.  She is 16 and very responsible.  She has had three jobs in three months. Now she’s working at her third, job as restaurant hostess.  How do I be the guidance counsellor, where do I start?

My husband is one of those people who didn’t go to college. Instead knew what he wanted to do (become a chef), set a goal, and began working in restaurants where he moved from dishwasher in a cheesy steak house to head chef in a respected restaurant.
He then decided a more “regular” job would be better for us and him, and now is in sales. A job opening was forwarded by a friend, and one of the requirements is a college degree. This is a job he could do not only well, but excel at, and he’s done everything else on the list.
He seriously regrets not getting a degree, but I know from experience, and having to deal with recent college grads as interns, that a college education does not a productive employee make.
How does he get around this? Or work within it?

I’m a management consultant with an MBA and a technology focus. Every time I try to choose an area to specialize in, I get interested in something else. I really don’t care very much what subject matter I’m working on. What I like about my work is rapidly learning new things, making sense out of ambiguous situations, high pressure to deliver, meeting a lot of new people and the prestige and good salary/benefits that allow my husband to stay home with our kids. There is enough work to do at my company that so far I have always taken new projects in totally different areas just based on what interests me and avoiding too much travel.

But I don’t think I’m going to be able to progress and become a leader if I don’t choose a niche – and I can’t see myself ever finding a new job with such a broad focus. I do eventually want a new job to avoid travel and to build a more lasting network. For that I am pretty sure I need to specialize and become an expert in something. But how do I choose what?  It can’t just be random or I’ll have a hard time committing.

I have a short background in tech support but have spent the last few years as a graphic designer. How do I write a technical resume with a 3 year gap in tech work? Should I include the graphic design stuff on that resume?

Penelope what do you when unwanted advances escalate after leaving a work place?

A senior manager of my friend’s company has been making unwanted advances to my friend. So [she quit working at the company]. That manager, who is married with children, has taken the advances further now that she has left the company.

She has not told her husband the full extent as with most men he would confront him, possibly physically. She has not told her new boss even though she made it clear if she has any probems especially with men to let her know.

Now it’s a small world and this man has been appearing at some of the same events… [Note: I deleted the rest. It was twelve paragraphs of details. But you can imagine it.]

Also, as a woman in her late 20’s contemplating parenthood, the responsibilities of parenthood are daunting. The more I try to rationally consider whether or not to have children, the more confused am. Maybe this is a silly reaction.

I probably shouldn’t decide not to have kids because I might have to homeschool them someday, but I can’t help it. If you homeschool how do you have time for anything else? I saw my mom lose herself parenting my sister and me. I know if I decide to have kids I want to also take care of myself.

It all comes down to choices. I often think having all these damn choices is debilitating. Do you agree or think that’s just an excuse for inaction?

What business models are open to journalists? I know you exemplify one model but you must have thought of others?

My background is as a journalist but I am currently home with my twin babies and trying to come up with a goal and plan for my return to work.

I have worked at newspapers like The Guardian and, since going freelance five years ago, I have written for a wide variety of newspapers, magazines and websites. The essence of things is that I need to choose between trying to get better paying journalism work (doing more magazine work), doing more self publishing or leveraging my skills into more lucrative but less fun work ( such as corporate writing).

What would you recommend?

I have a startup and sometimes I am struck with extreme panic and worry. Do you have this? What do you do about it?