I’m concerned that you combine environmental factors and personality type to come to a diagnosis of autism.

I wonder if the conflation helps the parents who’ve exposed their children to trauma escape responsibility. So when someone self-reports childhood trauma, instead of it being trauma inflicted by parents, it’s autism that the parents couldn’t help.

If I buy into the premise that I’m autistic and so are my kids, where the hell do I go from here?

I’m a divorced mom of two young kids residing somewhere on the spectrum. I’d like to be a good mom, partner, daughter, friend, coworker, neighbor but just writing this sentence was exhausting.

Should I get an emotional support dog for my daughter? We are relocating internationally and my oldest kid is using my younger one as an emotional crutch.

Please don’t kill me.

Is there a reason why autistic males have so much energy and female autistics have so little? Just something I noticed in general and in my own family.

For example, most male autistics I meet even in old age have limitless energy for hobbies and other stuff while most female autistics I know (including myself) have barely enough energy to make it through the day.

I made a comparison between my mother and a narcissistic mother which showed various similarities. Then I read the book you recommended and highlighted the areas that applied to my experience. By that, I mean, 70% of the book got highlighted.

Now I’m accepting and one day I will be recovering.

I think my mother is on the autism spectrum. And I know for a fact she suffered her own traumas. But I don’t think being on the spectrum completely erases your ability to feel empathy, no?

Hi Penelope, I’m constantly thinking about dying. Your latest posts make me wonder if I have autism too. My last real boyfriend was 7 years ago and never again, could that be autism?

I’ve been doing psychoanalysis with a therapist for over a year and he’s never mentioned such a thing. He can listen to my over-explosive emotions in a detached way. Maybe he’s autistic too. Should I ask him?

Part of me wants to believe you and yet I feel I need more proof. Can I use psychoanalysis as another way to understand what’s going on and decide what to do?

What’s the best support that an autistic can have if their family denies it?

I have autism and I want a woman to share my time with. However, this has proved exceedingly difficult.

I am now 31 years old and functioning a lot better than I did in my 20s. I often fool myself into thinking that I am really functional and should have no problem getting the things I want, but then I have a panic attack and remember that I am not like other people. That said I have a very good job, quite good looking and am in very good physical shape (I do triathlons).

The only women that have ever shown interest in me for any period of time are women I did not find attractive; women that I did find attractive but the idea that we were compatible was ludicrous; women with mental health problems of some sort also made them impossible to deal with.

Then, I tried using an online dating website where I was matched with another woman who has the same autism condition as me. Yet she has a social life and is less socially anxious than me. You would think we would be compatible and yet I did not get the impression that she found me attractive.

I feel like no normal woman wants a man that has almost no emotion or empathy and cannot join in with their social life. I am discouraged from the online dating experience.

Do you have any useful input for me?

Penelope, I wrote to you 2 years ago that I’m not convinced I have autism. I don’t think my wife has autism. She fits with other women really easily and is socially very comfortable. We can put her choice of me down to a moment of weakness.

It wouldn’t be something I would want to avoid knowing. I have some of the signs but by no means all, and the ones I have are synonymous with other conditions, i.e., an anxious attachment style.

Since then, I had a conversation with my sister. Turns out she was diagnosed with Aspergers (when they used to allow it as a formal diagnosis) some years ago. We both agree that our dad had autism.

Thinking about it now my brother is also almost definitely ASD. And I suspect, so is my daughter.

It’s quite a revelation.

I have done more research and digging into myself which is leading me down to a formal diagnosis. It seems you were probably right although my symptoms are certainly on the mild side.

I think I am the least obvious of my family (to me at least) but it has been a fascinating and illuminating journey thus far.

Hello Penelope,  I love to read your blog. I got a copy of your book and I wondered if this book still applies to the employment scene of today. I cant seem to help my son find a job. He wont look.He has a BS in Communications but seems to be an Asperger s person although he would deny it. He has never dated, hardly leaves his room and hangs w his high school buds about 5 guys who have girlfriends and wives but still manage to hang w him. I d say he acts about 14. He is vegan, we buy his food and he lives w us rent free and we pay for his car. He is hard to deal w and his decisions make no sense to us. He wants to be an internet millionaire or Amazon affiliate millionaire but has neither their outgoing YOU TUBEY personalities or the money to purchase any of their courses where they teach you how they all became millionaires. He refuses to do most jobs which are available in Southeastern Virginia, like grocery store stockers or big box store workers like Costco. The thing is, I lost my job and my husband became sick and had to retire at 50 on disability and we are older now and struggling financially. We worry what will happen to him, he has noone w any substance in his life to take care of him or help him. He works about 1 month a year I would say. He would never take career advice from anyone, but I would. He is difficult, but a wonderful, good person. He wont go back to any school except internet. He graduated in 2014 and really does nothing but sleep til 1230 and go out w friends surfing and skateboarding . Our dog died in 2016 which hit him very hard for she was his closest companion. We had to go to an apartment for financial reasons and cannot get him another dog. Do you have any advice for me ?? Thank you, Penelope. I pray for you and your sons and I hope you can become fantastically wealthy. My married daughter and I refer to you by your first name , as a friend or confidant as we discuss your latest blogs!