How can I help my two sons as a single autistic mom?

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I need him to be working on independence. He can live with me and go to school or move out. One is 21, and the other is 17.

I had a few other health issues for the past few years.  My ex is remarried and spends very little time with him. I have succeeded at raising my kids without violence and humiliation, which was my goal as a divorced mom. I will get triggered if you start with the autistic moms are bad moms thing. I am fully aware of my failings and successes as a parent, and I do not want to process that with you.

Right now, I asked him to pay me rent as an incentive to get him to go to school. But it’s not working, he’s smart but non-materialistic.

I want him to plan for what he wants to do for a career. He wants more money than a sandwich maker but is not motivated by money. He is extremely internally motivated. The brothers aren’t close. I need to figure out a plan for the younger son too.

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I can’t believe I didn’t see autism sooner

Divorce threw so many new stressors into my life that forced me to realize my “failures” were actually just areas where I needed to make autistic accommodations for myself. The kids’ dad is autistic. My children are autistic.

 I don’t know how I didn’t recognize I’m autistic sooner. It’s not that I think there is anything wrong with it, I’m just so completely not used to thinking about myself this way. But it’s a relief to recognize it because it explains a lot.

Do other people say to themselves I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner?

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Are you conflating childhood trauma with autism?

I’m concerned that you combine environmental factors and personality type to come to a diagnosis of autism.

I wonder if the conflation helps the parents who’ve exposed their children to trauma escape responsibility. So when someone self-reports childhood trauma, instead of it being trauma inflicted by parents, it’s autism that the parents couldn’t help.

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Where do I go from here?

If I buy into the premise that I’m autistic and so are my kids, where the hell do I go from here?

I’m a divorced mom of two young kids residing somewhere on the spectrum. I’d like to be a good mom, partner, daughter, friend, coworker, neighbor but just writing this sentence was exhausting.

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Does an emotional support dog help with anxiety?

Should I get an emotional support dog for my daughter? We are relocating internationally and my oldest kid is using my younger one as an emotional crutch.

Please don’t kill me.

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Why do autistic females have so little energy compared to the men?

Is there a reason why autistic males have so much energy and female autistics have so little? Just something I noticed in general and in my own family.

For example, most male autistics I meet even in old age have limitless energy for hobbies and other stuff while most female autistics I know (including myself) have barely enough energy to make it through the day.

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Do narcissism and autism overlap?

I made a comparison between my mother and a narcissistic mother which showed various similarities. Then I read the book you recommended and highlighted the areas that applied to my experience. By that, I mean, 70% of the book got highlighted.

Now I’m accepting and one day I will be recovering.

I think my mother is on the autism spectrum. And I know for a fact she suffered her own traumas. But I don’t think being on the spectrum completely erases your ability to feel empathy, no?

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I need more proof before I can accept my autism

Hi Penelope, I’m constantly thinking about dying. Your latest posts make me wonder if I have autism too. My last real boyfriend was 7 years ago and never again, could that be autism?

I’ve been doing psychoanalysis with a therapist for over a year and he’s never mentioned such a thing. He can listen to my over-explosive emotions in a detached way. Maybe he’s autistic too. Should I ask him?

Part of me wants to believe you and yet I feel I need more proof. Can I use psychoanalysis as another way to understand what’s going on and decide what to do?

What’s the best support that an autistic can have if their family denies it?

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I have autism, help me find a romantic partner!

I have autism and I want a woman to share my time with. However, this has proved exceedingly difficult.

I am now 31 years old and functioning a lot better than I did in my 20s. I often fool myself into thinking that I am really functional and should have no problem getting the things I want, but then I have a panic attack and remember that I am not like other people. That said I have a very good job, quite good looking and am in very good physical shape (I do triathlons).

The only women that have ever shown interest in me for any period of time are women I did not find attractive; women that I did find attractive but the idea that we were compatible was ludicrous; women with mental health problems of some sort also made them impossible to deal with.

Then, I tried using an online dating website where I was matched with another woman who has the same autism condition as me. Yet she has a social life and is less socially anxious than me. You would think we would be compatible and yet I did not get the impression that she found me attractive.

I feel like no normal woman wants a man that has almost no emotion or empathy and cannot join in with their social life. I am discouraged from the online dating experience.

Do you have any useful input for me?

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