I am in my late 20s and married to an amazing man. I have a liberal arts degree, and after much unhappiness in the workplace + a job layoff, I enrolled in a grad program. I love what I’m pursuing (speech pathology), as it’s much more rewarding and interesting. I’m an INFJ personality type, and the cutthroat business world wasn’t for me.
However, I am feeling very stressed about when is the “right time” to have a child. I considered this before beginning school but assumed I would figure it out, though I still have not. My ideal age is 30-32, and my husband agrees, but this is when I will be new to my career (I graduate when I’m 29).
I fear I won’t be taken seriously if I get pregnant in my first few years of work. I’ve also considered getting pregnant while in grad school and trying to “time it” so the baby is born after the degree is completed but before I begin working. I know ultimately no one can decide for us, but I’d appreciate any insights from you & your readers.
I am a 56 yr old who was laid off a great job (kind of) around 4 yrs ago because I was a egotistical person thinking they will not ever lay me off being the most important person there besides the owner! I was their main product designer / INVENTOR / engineer / problem solver. I gave that company so many ideas/inventions I lost count. I gave them at least 12 patent ideas, maybe more I lost count of those also!
The problem might had started when the owner/ex-president of the company, took the CEO’s and most of the office people out to lunch after I had gave them enough ideas/inventions for the company to move in to a bigger building (around 3 yrs in to that employment). He told every one there in front of me that it was because of all my new ideas we were moving in to a bigger facility, so that gave me a big ego! From that point on maybe not noticing it but that ego stop my career as becoming a much better product designer.
I thought I didn’t need any more education other then my god given talent to invent/create new ideas/inventions! So all those years there instead of improving my education (thinking I would retire from there) I screwed up because now after trying for the last 4 yrs to get back in to the same field of the only thing I have ever been good at, I need this that and the other thing as far as new programs needed to land such a job! I can still invent / design new ideas all day long but just can’t talk any one/company in to giving me a chance like that last employer did!
I have found a toy/novelty/invention broker lately to try and sell some of many ideas, he has taken on 88 out of 120 ideas/inventions I presented to him, but how long that will take who knows? In mean time I can’t afford go back to school, I can’t afford patents and I can’t find the same type of work that is my passion and know I can do it for any company if given the chance, but they will not;(
I have been a single dad the whole time I was at that last employment for over 20 yrs, raised two boys the best I could, one is in a junior college and WE can barely afford that! Meaning my son and I do any type of work we can. Him mostly part time and me full time at temporary positions I hate!
Physical jobs at my age are very hard since I have arthritis and bad knees from many years of racing motocross since I was a kid! I raced high school motocross and turned pro right out of high school, while some friends were pursuing college or starting good careers as longshoremen or firemen, I was traveling around the country pureeing a very limited career as a professional motocross racer! Well I got injured way too much to go on and came home to start working driving cement trucks, cement pumps etc for my family / uncles. Which was okay money but was not my passion and even though I knew that it was the 1970’s/80’s and was just the thing to do if you could. Going to college was not a thing to do for most back then as I remember it.
So now how many years later I have no career any more, no retirement in site, no way to support my family, living in complete stress and depression:( Maybe yes one of my ideas / inventions will sell but until then I am wearing knee braces and taking tons of Aleve to try and get a job as a truck drive again at 56 yrs old, and all the while my friends who keep at it are retiring, it sucks lol!(and I remember them all saying”you,ll be rich some day Rodney with all those ideas”). They still say that while I worry stress about my rent and bills!
I really just want to have the chance again to do my passion or god give talent (my only god given talent since the two wheel talent didn’t pan out!) . I have no business savvy to try and do any of my ideas/inventions on my own. I have written some short stories and people who have read them like them allot and said I should pursue that! But again I would need some education to be a writer which is nearly impossible right now. I would love to write since I have many ideas for stories reality or fiction.
My son has a talent for writing also and he is pursuing that right now even though his complete family and friends are against it, except me! He wrote and directed a few movies / short stories in high school and two of them won at the high school film festivals (one got a standing ovation!). So he has talent and I want him to pursue it, in fact I want to join him in some short story writing.
But it all comes down to paying the rent, I do just about any thing and have for the last few years to try and keep him going at what he loves and myself also, but off and on we almost ended up on the street! I have sold just about every thing, used up my complete life savings and 401k is gone! we live month to month with stuff pre-pack just in case but no where to actually go but the street, and I know there are lots of people in the same boat:(
I have many ideas / inventions ready to go as far as having working prototypes etc, but no way to do them myself. And I have gone out on my own to try and sell/license them off, with no luck. In fact I have been RIP OFF which has add to my depression knowing we could had been doing okay right now, if these different companies(assholes) had not rip me off, or if I could had afforded to have patents on those ideas!
Last year my son and I work really hard on one of my ideas, with videos, drawings and good working prototypes we tested late at night in secluded / private areas. We brought that idea to a company who signed all the correct/proper NDA contracts etc, but a few months later it/my invention was on the market and they had no intentions of reimbursing me for it;( So even more depression/stress set in for not only me but my son). We tried to get legal help but can’t afford it so now one of my potential ideas is on the market making these assholes money! And that was not the first time, so I have found a guy who has taken on my ideas/inventions as a broker to hopefully sell them and not rip me off!
But at this point I would hire any one or let any one try and sell any of my many inventions/ideas in many different industries for profit to share! So if you know any one trustworthy enough to help please let me know?
But how can any one know which way it will go? You don’t and can’t, but just pray it will some day pan out before we are out on the street or before I am too old to enjoy it! I am working three temporary part time/full time jobs that pay shit and are very hard at my age just wishing/praying it all pans out for my family/son!
Well that’s part of my story I guess, one depressed/broken/stressed/rip off inventor dad looking for some thing?
I am an attorney, an ENTJ, and a new mom. I went to Harvard (twice) and worked in intellectually challenging, selective jobs since then. I’m currently in what was my dream job before I had a baby, but I’m miserable.
I miss my daughter. I like her daycare and I’m militant about seeing her as much as possible (every morning and night for dinner/bed), but I long for a richer family life. I also hate feeling bad at my job because I’m no longer single-minded about it. Every day is a blur of demands that I’m unable or unwilling to meet, which is torture for someone driven by achievement and deadlines. (Nearly 100% J on the MBTI.) After she goes to bed I work, eventually give up and pass out, then repeat. I also resent making very little money after turning down well-paying jobs for this more meaningful job.
We could afford for me to stay home if we budget very carefully, are planning more children soon, and would love to have a big family. But I worry that staying home now is is a waste of my education/training/past work, a failure to realize earning potential for my family, and a mistake given that I’m an ENTJ.
Part-time would be great, but, as you’ve noted, part-time versions of my kind of job don’t exist. Running a business would be an option (I love running things and budgeting), but I’m not creative and too risk-averse to be a good entrepreneur. I’m much better at ploughing through via hard work than coming up with an innovative way to make life easier.
Switching legal jobs would likely mean the same schedule and violating a four-year commitment to my current job. I’ve done a lot of research and have no idea what I would do beyond law, although I’m willing to try anything at this point. Including driving a city bus and/or being with my daughter and reading long-form articles.
I also thought I might not actually be an ENTJ given my emotional reaction to becoming a mother, lack of interest (before I began hating my job and paying for quality daycare) in making lots of money, and longstanding desire to do something “meaningful” as well as prestigious. But my ENTJ results have been consistent over ten years. Should I be another mom lawyer who quits? Work for more money? Or is there some third way I haven’t thought of?
Any advice you can offer is greatly appreciated!
P.S. If your son actually wants advice on going to Harvard, I’m happy to help however I can.
I am 24 years old. My field is data analytics. I understand that building a network will eventually pay off, in one capacity or another. Can you tell me the most effective things I can do to grow my network now? I want to get the highest possible return on my time investment.
I live in São Paulo, Brazil. I came across your site researching social skills, interpersonal relations at work, etc.
The reason I was researching those items is because I am 41 years old and am stuck in a cycle of losing my jobs every one to two years.
In my most recent job I was a finance treasury manager in charge of a team of 15-20 people (I had to layoff some of them along the way – it was a family-owned, not-so-efficient company before a private equity firm took over).
I found myself overwhelmed by the amount of analysis I had to perform to my boss and could not take time to relate to the team. As time went on I felt that they disliked me, felt insecure, analyzed every word I spoke to other people in the company, and events led to my discharge.
Nonetheless, I am very competent in finance, but the reason I am always discharged is for interpersonal reasons. My ex-bosses always say what my most recent ex-boss said, “It is not that you raise your voice, but the way you say it, the form.”
It took being fired seven times for me to realize that I have a problem. I have a good heart and I do care for others, so that makes the problem harder to understand.
Now that I am out of my paycheck, I found out that my wife is pregnant. I have other issues in my family currently that make this a very hard time for me, but I am talking to a total stranger oversees.
What could you advise me? I know you do not have much material to work on your response, but in your career you might have come across similar cases.
I am a freelance journalist in Los Angeles with quantifiable success but having trouble getting help moving into a new and more lucrative career, because I am too advanced for a lot of the disability focused state funded services and not successful enough for conventional headhunters and job coaches.
Job advisors I have worked with–both aimed at neurotypical clients and people with disabilities–tell me I am hirable but then abruptly drop me because nobody knows what to do with me.
I was the kid who was told to not set my sights too high. My parents were told that I would not be able to survive in a regular university and I should be targeted to vocational/factory type careers. We did not listen, and I have a Masters and BA to show for that. Before 2001, I spent my young adult life being bullied and fired at a variety of PR companies, and when I graduated, my university placement services would not help me get that important first job.
After a rough 18 months where I went through five jobs, and was told teaching was my only option because of my spotty job record, In 2002, I got lucky and found several freelance writing jobs that led to a freelance career, and supplemented my income with work as a substitute teacher. I got bullied and fired from one of my two districts this past year, but have no recourse and may lose my credential if the woman who fired me plans to place a spurious report with the California Teaching Credential office on why she fired me (this woman is known for trashing past employees and getting away with it, and she breaks a lot of state labor laws and gets away with it). I am still in good standing with another district which I have been with a lot longer, and can probably get good references there.
I tried out for and got turned down for several media jobs, because of my age (46) and the editors admitted to me younger people are more appealing for their looks and willingness to accept low pay. I have reached out to all kinds of Autism and Asperger’s organizations and university programs and nobody will do anything for me unless I pay thousands of dollars I do not have. While friends encourage me to apply for disability, lawyers in the field tell me I will probably not be “disabled” enough to qualify.
My 86 year old father is pressuring me to go into a business though he cannot articulate what that business is.
There is shockingly very little information on good mid career options for journalists looking for more stable work. I was advised paralegal may be a good option, but am not sure if this is another inherently ageist field, and cannot get any help or direction.
If you can offer ideas or suggestions please let me know.
I interviewed for two positions at the same time, one internal and one external. It looks now like I am going to receive offers from both, but my preference is for the external position. Right now I have received the external position offer in writing but I need to clear a background check which will take about 2-3 weeks. The hiring manager for the internal position sent me an email today saying he wants to meet sometime in the next week to hash out details.
What is the best way to turn down the internal offer without hurting my relationships in the company? I can’t officially resign till my position until I clear the background check, but I wouldn’t want to waste the hiring manager for the internal position’s time unnecessarily either.
I am ENFP according to personality tests, ADHD according to psychotherapy, and 26 according to the calendar. I have been doing account management type work for the past couple of years, which admittedly was a terrible idea as details, timelines, and keeping track of projects are all things I, as an ENFP, am inherently terrible at and also make me feel like my soul is being sucked away. I also have had a number of issues with several bosses because I don’t fall in line with their demands just because “the boss said so” or because “this is the way we do things around here,” which has resulted in some, ahem, parting of ways (i.e. kicks to the curb).
I think eventually I’ll need to work for myself, but creating some kind of freelance career right now while working from home sounds so boring and lonely, not to mention less financially solvent. Brooklyn is expensive! I want to start solidifying my career because I know I want kids (at least five years down the road) and I want to have the flexibility to be with them, but I feel like I’m not gaining any traction in my career because so far, my job description has been at odds with who I am.
Here are my current thoughts and I’m interested to here which, if any, you think would be my best bet.
1. Find a new job that is more people-oriented and focused on big ideas rather than details (and where I work for a boss that I can respect) – I’m considering Sales because it’s with people or content writing because I can write
2. Go back to school to get my MSW and become a therapist – it’s people-oriented, flexible, and I think it’s meaningful work with a purpose
3. Go on ADHD medication so I can fit into the box at work and theoretically be more successful
Thanks!
I’ve been working at a small, privately-owned company for about 3.5 years. I was hired to do a narrowly defined job but I’ve expanded my role significantly as I’ve identified needs at the company and been allowed to address them.
As part of a reorganization this summer – that I helped shape – my informal responsibilities became a formal, newly-created position within the company directing corporate strategy and communications.
I now have the title, and the expectations that go with it, but I don’t feel I have the salary.
The VP and owner put through a $12,000 pay increase without talking to me. That’s approximately $22k below what my research showed is the minimum market rate for the new position, and only $7,500 above my expected compensation for next year in my original job, despite a huge increase in responsibility and authority. I raised this with the VP and she openly acknowledged that they hadn’t done any research when setting the salary for the new position and that they’d look into it and get back to me.
Now it’s been two weeks and they both seem to be avoiding me.
Complicating things somewhat is that I’m 4.5 months pregnant with my first child, though I haven’t told anyone at work yet. I’m well enough established with this company to arrange for a part-time schedule and/or significant telecommuting, but might not find that at a new company, which would mean far more significant monetary or parenting sacrifices.
So: do I 1) keep pushing on the salary and try to get it raised to where I think it should be, 2) drop it and suck up the low salary because the overall position is likely to provide a level of flexibility most parents don’t have, or 3) use the next few months to build a strong resume under the new title then look for a new, better paying job and hope I can make it flexible?
I have a job at a law firm that I got after years of forced learning (going to law school was definitely a mistake). Although I get along with my boss, trying to “fit in” takes all of my energy and motivation for life, maybe because I’m an INFJ, or because being a lawyer sucks, or both.
I’m really fed up with trying’ to be somebody I’m not. All I really want to do is 1) find a mate 2) have children 3) make some art.
Should I find another job that doesn’t suck so much of my energy so I can focus on those goals, or should I just reframe the whole thing? In the latter case, how ?