I live in São Paulo, Brazil. I came across your site researching social skills, interpersonal relations at work, etc.
The reason I was researching those items is because I am 41 years old and am stuck in a cycle of losing my jobs every one to two years.
In my most recent job I was a finance treasury manager in charge of a team of 15-20 people (I had to layoff some of them along the way – it was a family-owned, not-so-efficient company before a private equity firm took over).
I found myself overwhelmed by the amount of analysis I had to perform to my boss and could not take time to relate to the team. As time went on I felt that they disliked me, felt insecure, analyzed every word I spoke to other people in the company, and events led to my discharge.
Nonetheless, I am very competent in finance, but the reason I am always discharged is for interpersonal reasons. My ex-bosses always say what my most recent ex-boss said, “It is not that you raise your voice, but the way you say it, the form.”
It took being fired seven times for me to realize that I have a problem. I have a good heart and I do care for others, so that makes the problem harder to understand.
Now that I am out of my paycheck, I found out that my wife is pregnant. I have other issues in my family currently that make this a very hard time for me, but I am talking to a total stranger oversees.
What could you advise me? I know you do not have much material to work on your response, but in your career you might have come across similar cases.
I am a freelance journalist in Los Angeles with quantifiable success but having trouble getting help moving into a new and more lucrative career, because I am too advanced for a lot of the disability focused state funded services and not successful enough for conventional headhunters and job coaches.
Job advisors I have worked with–both aimed at neurotypical clients and people with disabilities–tell me I am hirable but then abruptly drop me because nobody knows what to do with me.
I was the kid who was told to not set my sights too high. My parents were told that I would not be able to survive in a regular university and I should be targeted to vocational/factory type careers. We did not listen, and I have a Masters and BA to show for that. Before 2001, I spent my young adult life being bullied and fired at a variety of PR companies, and when I graduated, my university placement services would not help me get that important first job.
After a rough 18 months where I went through five jobs, and was told teaching was my only option because of my spotty job record, In 2002, I got lucky and found several freelance writing jobs that led to a freelance career, and supplemented my income with work as a substitute teacher. I got bullied and fired from one of my two districts this past year, but have no recourse and may lose my credential if the woman who fired me plans to place a spurious report with the California Teaching Credential office on why she fired me (this woman is known for trashing past employees and getting away with it, and she breaks a lot of state labor laws and gets away with it). I am still in good standing with another district which I have been with a lot longer, and can probably get good references there.
I tried out for and got turned down for several media jobs, because of my age (46) and the editors admitted to me younger people are more appealing for their looks and willingness to accept low pay. I have reached out to all kinds of Autism and Asperger’s organizations and university programs and nobody will do anything for me unless I pay thousands of dollars I do not have. While friends encourage me to apply for disability, lawyers in the field tell me I will probably not be “disabled” enough to qualify.
My 86 year old father is pressuring me to go into a business though he cannot articulate what that business is.
There is shockingly very little information on good mid career options for journalists looking for more stable work. I was advised paralegal may be a good option, but am not sure if this is another inherently ageist field, and cannot get any help or direction.
If you can offer ideas or suggestions please let me know.
I interviewed for two positions at the same time, one internal and one external. It looks now like I am going to receive offers from both, but my preference is for the external position. Right now I have received the external position offer in writing but I need to clear a background check which will take about 2-3 weeks. The hiring manager for the internal position sent me an email today saying he wants to meet sometime in the next week to hash out details.
What is the best way to turn down the internal offer without hurting my relationships in the company? I can’t officially resign till my position until I clear the background check, but I wouldn’t want to waste the hiring manager for the internal position’s time unnecessarily either.
I am ENFP according to personality tests, ADHD according to psychotherapy, and 26 according to the calendar. I have been doing account management type work for the past couple of years, which admittedly was a terrible idea as details, timelines, and keeping track of projects are all things I, as an ENFP, am inherently terrible at and also make me feel like my soul is being sucked away. I also have had a number of issues with several bosses because I don’t fall in line with their demands just because “the boss said so” or because “this is the way we do things around here,” which has resulted in some, ahem, parting of ways (i.e. kicks to the curb).
I think eventually I’ll need to work for myself, but creating some kind of freelance career right now while working from home sounds so boring and lonely, not to mention less financially solvent. Brooklyn is expensive! I want to start solidifying my career because I know I want kids (at least five years down the road) and I want to have the flexibility to be with them, but I feel like I’m not gaining any traction in my career because so far, my job description has been at odds with who I am.
Here are my current thoughts and I’m interested to here which, if any, you think would be my best bet.
1. Find a new job that is more people-oriented and focused on big ideas rather than details (and where I work for a boss that I can respect) – I’m considering Sales because it’s with people or content writing because I can write
2. Go back to school to get my MSW and become a therapist – it’s people-oriented, flexible, and I think it’s meaningful work with a purpose
3. Go on ADHD medication so I can fit into the box at work and theoretically be more successful
Thanks!
I’ve been working at a small, privately-owned company for about 3.5 years. I was hired to do a narrowly defined job but I’ve expanded my role significantly as I’ve identified needs at the company and been allowed to address them.
As part of a reorganization this summer – that I helped shape – my informal responsibilities became a formal, newly-created position within the company directing corporate strategy and communications.
I now have the title, and the expectations that go with it, but I don’t feel I have the salary.
The VP and owner put through a $12,000 pay increase without talking to me. That’s approximately $22k below what my research showed is the minimum market rate for the new position, and only $7,500 above my expected compensation for next year in my original job, despite a huge increase in responsibility and authority. I raised this with the VP and she openly acknowledged that they hadn’t done any research when setting the salary for the new position and that they’d look into it and get back to me.
Now it’s been two weeks and they both seem to be avoiding me.
Complicating things somewhat is that I’m 4.5 months pregnant with my first child, though I haven’t told anyone at work yet. I’m well enough established with this company to arrange for a part-time schedule and/or significant telecommuting, but might not find that at a new company, which would mean far more significant monetary or parenting sacrifices.
So: do I 1) keep pushing on the salary and try to get it raised to where I think it should be, 2) drop it and suck up the low salary because the overall position is likely to provide a level of flexibility most parents don’t have, or 3) use the next few months to build a strong resume under the new title then look for a new, better paying job and hope I can make it flexible?
I have a job at a law firm that I got after years of forced learning (going to law school was definitely a mistake). Although I get along with my boss, trying to “fit in” takes all of my energy and motivation for life, maybe because I’m an INFJ, or because being a lawyer sucks, or both.
I’m really fed up with trying’ to be somebody I’m not. All I really want to do is 1) find a mate 2) have children 3) make some art.
Should I find another job that doesn’t suck so much of my energy so I can focus on those goals, or should I just reframe the whole thing? In the latter case, how ?
I’ve been blogging for 18 months under my name in Spanish about personal branding, studies, college and self-knowledge because I studied business and that’s what I thought I wanted to blog about.
But now I want to write in English about fiction and poetry I’ve kept closeted in my room.
I know you’re an advocate of writing under the same blog & under your name.
But I feel as if the readers would feel lost –because I know I am lost and I want to embrace it. But I don’t want to confuse anyone and let them know I have been confused all along. Should I use a pen name and keep a second blog secret until I’m ready to tell the world?
I recently started a new job. I love the work that I am tasked to do and for the most part I really like the organization and most other people that I work with.
My supervisor asked me in the interview if I would not mind training other colleagues to do my job to help with their capacity development. I said I was fine with this as I really wanted the job.
In the three weeks since I started I have found my colleagues apathetic about their jobs, and they do not equally share information with me regarding their roles and responsibilities. However, my biggest concern is training a colleague to take over and do my job. Additionally, my colleagues have been working with my supervisor longer than I have and they already have a good relationship with my supervisor.
I work in a small department, so I have no other choice but to train these colleagues. What perspective should I take on being asked to train other colleagues to do my work – is this a good thing or a bad thing? How should I proceed to train such colleagues, yet ensure my own job security in the future?
I’m a diagnosed woman with Asperger’s heading into a job in customer service. The environment I am heading into is like high school, according to many of the reviews I read on Glassdoor and other sites. Any direct advice for this type of job so I can succeed?
In my town there are no other jobs. The actual unemployment rate is really high and among the disabled it is even higher of course. I want to work, very badly. I also want to be a success in my own eyes as well as the eyes of my parents and my friends.
Any wise words would be appreciated. (Did I phrase that right?)
I am a Mechanical Drafter (CAD Operator I), for a Mechanical Contractor by day. By night, I am a courier driver that has a specific route. I live in Minnesota.
I’m married and have three grown children, two of which still are struggling to be grown. I have three grandchildren, of which me and my wife help raise one them almost full time. My wife is a stay at home wife, she has some health problems. I am very patient with my wife, since she has been very patient with me and my outbursts at times and I have gone to therapy for this.
I have always been the socially awkward person. I fit in sometimes and most of the time I don’t. I have ADHD, more the ADD than the Hyperactive. Medication for ADHD doesn’t help me. I’m left handed and feel like I’m somewhere on the Autism spectrum but it’s not pronounced enough to ever have made a diagnosis. I have social anxiety, depression at times, and sometimes anger issues. I take Cymbalta, lowest dose possible to help with depression and anxiety. I recently got a membership at a local Anytime Fitness and started working out three times a week.
I wrote to you because I’m having issues at my job. I work with other drafters, designers, and engineers to draw and update plans. I have been with this specific company for a year now and have mixed emotions on how I feel I am doing at this job.
The problem is my attention to detail. I have had two sit downs with my boss, the lead mechanical engineer. The first conversation was last October and the second was in January. The conversation goes, you are making to many mistakes, why is this happening, what are you doing to not make mistakes.
The first conversation I had with him was not a shock to me, I knew I was making mistakes but felt it was beginner mistakes, since I had just started working there a couple of months before. This is when I learned that I cannot say “I’m doing my best”. This kind of threw me off guard a little but it made me really look at myself and ask am I really doing my best. So, I did my research and found a good process I thought would work for me.
A couple of more months pass, I’m trying to learn and implement this new process of doing work. I’m still making mistakes, not major, but mistakes a newbie would make. My boss has another sit down with me in January. I tell him the process of what i’m doing and so on. He is really frustrated with me and is ready to let me go and lay me off. See, this is where the not fitting in part I think goes into play. I’m not the best conversationalist and in meetings i really clam up. Obviously, i’m not doing this on purpose, its just my physical and emotional makeup of who I am. I have poor short term memory and giving input at meetings is a real struggle for me. I really do try, like keeping a notepad for notes at all times, sometimes recording learning/training sessions, and so on.
So, it’s been a year working here and I still feel like an outsider. I feel like they consider me incompetent at times. I really have learned a lot in my year here. There still is so much more to learn. But I feel like i am on a short leash. I feel like my next mistake will be my last and I will get laid off or I will be the first on the chopping block if that ever happens. I’ve told my boss i’m never intentionally trying to make mistakes and mess up. He knows I have a process. Who knows, maybe I’m over analyzing everything. I came this far to try and get some career advice.