Hi. I just graduated high school, and I’m undecided and that’s why I decided to go to community college. I’ve always thought about becoming a teacher but I’m unsure if that would be right for me or if I should pursue a career in the health field like a physician assistant. I’m a romantic at heart and I just really wish I could just be pragmatic. It’s a blessing and a curse I’m too idealistic and that’s why I think I have such a hard time finding a career.
I am a female with Aspergers. I think my mom and my sister have Aspergers, too. And we all have the same problem: we can greatly offend people by the things we say and how we say them. In talking with each of them, they have no idea that they are doing it and they say they don’t mean to offend. I physically cringe when I hear how they talk to people – even though I know I accidentally do it, too.
I don’t tell colleagues and friend groups that I have Aspergers. I know to look people in the eye when in conversations. I am pretty decent in one-on-one conversations when I pay close attention to personality type and what the other person needs from me and the relationship. I am very bad at reading people’s intentions.
In my adult life, I have jumped from friend group to friend group. My mom used to tell me that I wore people out. I’ve gotten fired from every job – which I think is a combo of me being an ENTP and having Aspergers. I feel like I leave a wake of destruction in my path from saying exactly what I am thinking. I’m generally a friendly and enthusiastic person, so my harsh comments tend to really catch people off guard. So, people who liked me at first will distance themselves in a hurry. Or, I’ll be so embarrassed that I hurt someone’s feelings, that I’ll distance myself.
I’m getting better at keeping my mouth shut by understanding personality type and group dynamics, but I know I will always make this type of mistake. Sometimes I will know immediately that I was a jerk by the look on someone’s face or shift in body language. Other times, I think I was just stating the obvious and everyone sees the same thing I do, but later it will become clear that I’m out of step with the rest of the group. So, I need to learn how to mea culpa gracefully to someone in the moment or later when I’ve realized I’ve deeply offended someone.
Do you have suggestions?
I’m an INTJ, and I have a quick question.
I’m a Ph.D. student of theoretical physics and as usual, I discuss my research with my supervisor. Because she doesn’t bother to get into the detail of calculations, or maybe because she doesn’t care enough, sometimes she makes obviously stupid comments, and such things make me angry a little. So I feel she thinks I’m arrogant, even if I don’t get angry and try to explain (explaining stuff is a little hard for me…). But I’m not. I do appreciate when she has some good comments (which she does sometimes…).
So can you help me to avoid such misunderstandings?
I don’t want to ask you a career question because I know you’re just going to tell me that I’m 32 so I should get married and have kids. But if I don’t get a career I love first then I’ll always be dependent on my husband, and that’s scary.
After 12 years of not a single date, desire, need or want for a man/companionship in any way, my coworker and I unintentionally fell in love. Loves me for who I am, your happiness is my happiness and all that jazz.
Problem is, he is sort of married. Not legally married but wears a ring, they share a child and a home. However, it’s an insane partnership where both have hurt each other in every way, constant fighting, one of those “were staying for the kids” relationships at this point. Mostly bad with good moments.
I lost my virginity to him. We told each other we loved each other and had sex all within a 3-month span. Lots of late nights in the office, however we only had sex the one time. When he kissed me I actually lost my breath and went weak in the knees. When we had sex, it was perfect in every way. He was wonderful to me.
The problem with all of that is, he has completely changed on me, even though he swore he wouldn’t and I’m miserable. I don’t know what happened, but he won’t talk about it even though he knows I’m an ENFJ and my two needs are communication and quality time.
One day he will sneak a handhold in from across the desk and tell me he loves me. The next he won’t even let me speak to him.
I decided for myself weeks ago that I was done, this was over, I deserve better, this is bullshit, etc. The hell of it is, I not only have to work in the same building, but we are the COO’s of the companies only two departments that go hand in hand.
I have constant anxiety.
I think what I’m struggling with is, I can’t decide on a story. Either I was a complete and utter fool who was someone’s mistress and lost my virginity and this was the biggest mistake of my life. Which is a hard pill to swallow when you have pride yourself on being a strong, smart hard worker with a healthy dose of confidence. This is very new, and if I’m being perfectly honest, pathetic feeling to me.
Or, as my friends like to tell me, I waited until I was almost 30 to have sex with someone I loved. With the person I have loved more than anyone in my entire life. And it was wonderful. And with all the growing and learning I’ve done, how could that be a mistake?
The real problem is this: I have worked my ass off to get this position. Worked my way up from the bottom, nights and weekends, many sacrifices, etc. I love my job. I am fantastic at it. I was made for management. I have hand chosen my team, and they are amazing. I have never worked so hard before in my life but somehow never tire.
I don’t know that I can with having to see him every single day. Because then it hasn’t really ended. I don’t have the luxury of choosing to not see him or talk to him.
So, should I stay or should I go? Would leaving be giving him even more power? This is more change in my life (in a very big real way) because of him? Should I stay in spite him, stand my ground and what not?
I bought my own house two years ago, I’m not making a lot of money but its the most I’ve ever made and am more than comfortable, financially speaking. I have no prospects job wise but a healthy savings.
Wherever you go, there you are, that’s a thing. I know leaving won’t resolve this but at least I wouldn’t be tormented by him and his games 10 hours a day.
I am an INFJ. My current boss keeps telling me that I don’t challenge people / push back enough on the spot in terms of what colleagues/clients tell me and that she sees me just accepting what they say, for example:
1. A teacher says they are not using the virtual platform we provide to their school at the expected usage rate for X reason e.g. Intermittent Internet connectivity, basic infrastructure issues disrupting their ability to use the platform etc. I’m supposed to push back against what they see as obstacles and get them to solve these issues so that they can increase their usage of the platform.
I’m actually satisfied that they’ve gone from zero use to some use looking at the obstacles they face and don’t think we should be pushing them for the sake of increased usage when they’ve figured out a way to use the tech meaningfully within the limitations they are facing.
2. A team member informed me that we were not supposed to deliver a training session for a client in English (I was away from work when this happened and so just assumed she was filling me in on a decision made by my boss). I didn’t think to question her as I had no reason not to trust that the information wasn’t accurate.
Turns out she mislead me but my boss used this as an example of me not challenging people enough. In fact, when my boss raised this with me I didn’t even explain to her why I didn’t feel the need to question my colleague. I just took it rather than have an argument.
From my point of view whenever someone tells me something, my lack of objection doesn’t mean I’ve accepted what they are saying. I find I need time to ruminate on what has been said, understand where they are coming from before I can come to a ‘judgment’.
Is my lack of immediate pushback associated with an INFJs’ cognitive process or is this a function independent of personality type?
If it is associated with type, will working to overcome this and thinking more on my feet be an uphill battle or should I just let go of getting validation from my boss/company expectations and make this job my own by exploiting my so-called INFJ strengths?
I have taken a few of your writing courses and I loved them. I need to make enough money to contribute to the bottom line of our family, and I don’t want to create more pressure on my writing which is what would happen if I were relying on my writing to support the family. Can you recommend a course I can take the give me a passive income option?
I just finished reading your post about how one is unlikely to earn significant money from a blog (http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/04/21/8-reasons-why-you-wont-make-money-from-your-blog/). I generally agree with what you say, but I’ve also noticed that you’ve mentioned in other posts that you now make a substantial amount (maybe most?) of your income from your blog.
I understand that you’ve built the blog, its readership base, and your professional reputation up over the years to get to the point you’re at now, and I know you have other businesses as well, but my questions is: how do you actually make money from your blog? What is the mechanism through which you earn?
I’d like to set up a blog or two, mostly for my own creative outlet, but it wouldn’t hurt if I was able to eventually earn a small side income from it. How does one go about doing it? Just enabling Google Ads or going out and courting ad companies to get them to plaster their sponsorship all over your page?
I don’t like the idea of ads on my blog (or at least “over-commercializing” it) and would rather not put too many on there, but I don’t understand the underlying business dynamics of how one makes money with a blog otherwise. You don’t appear to have any ads on your blog, and in the above article you’ve even mentioned how you dislike them, as well; so how does one go about generating (even the tiniest) income from a blog, website, or writing/media platform if not with ads? I don’t think I understand the underlying business model here or the revenue-generating alternatives that exist in the internet world.
Right now, I teach as an adjunct instructor and work as a tutor on campus at a local community college. I have a master’s degree in English. The feedback I receive from students and my supervisors indicate that I am doing an exceptional job. I love my work. I find helping students to write and communicate more effectively to be deeply satisfying. I love explaining things and answering questions.
Here is the problem: my husband and I are moving because he got into graduate school, and the school he was accepted to is the only one anywhere near our new apartment. That college is not hiring right now. I have Asperger’s, do not drive, and am an INFJ. I have multiple chronic illnesses (MCAD, PTSD, POTS, CFS, Fibromyalgia, suspected EDS) that cause food allergies that can change overnight, severe pain, exhaustion, and other symptoms. These illnesses can be managed, but they will likely never go away. My husband is also an INFJ, and neither of us
I have multiple chronic illnesses (MCAD, PTSD, POTS, CFS, Fibromyalgia, suspected EDS) that cause food allergies that can change overnight, severe pain, exhaustion, and other symptoms. These illnesses can be managed, but they will likely never go away. My husband is also an INFJ, and neither of us wants to have kids. His siblings already have kids, and my siblings will have kids, so we don’t even have any meaningful pressure from either of our families to contend with.
I am trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Prior to getting severely sick a few years ago, I was a workaholic. I love school, and I love working. I had three jobs in grad school and graduated with a 4.0 and a publication in a major journal. I graduated undergrad early by taking overloads, and I worked and was heavily involved on campus and still graduated summa cum laude. My professors encouraged me to be a researcher and talked a lot about my potential.
Despite my Asperger’s, I do care a lot about people, and I like how the formality and purpose of school lets me keep my interactions with people semi-scripted, warm, professional, and useful. I am able to connect and to be useful to others. Since I got sick, working part time is challenging. I might be able to work full time if the job wasn’t intellectually or physically draining, which is why I have considered an office job.
However, I fear I would be wasting my potential, my degree, and the time my professors invested in helping me. In addition, the pay for a secretary is mediocre. That’s not all bad, and my husband doesn’t care how much money I make (obviously, as he is also an INFJ, and we care about our values more than anything).
We are very good at being happy and meeting our needs with very little money. I am 26, and we have been married for five years. Our income has been below the poverty line all five years, and I would still say we have the best relationship of anyone we know, and we haven’t ever had urgent needs we were unable to meet.
I have considered becoming a speech pathologist, but that would mean getting a second bachelor’s degree and a master’s, which would take about three or four years, a lot of work, and cost a great deal of money. Working part time as a speech pathologist, I could make more per hour, but I fear that that potentially higher part-time income is negated by the student loans and time lost to getting additional degrees.
I have worked as an editor in student positions in the past, and I have loved that work, but again, there aren’t editing jobs where we are moving. Even if there were, it seems unlikely that I would be hired because I only worked as an editor as a student. I worked at a library when I got sick, and again, I loved the work, but the position I held was high energy and full time, and I couldn’t physically do it once I got sick. The part-time jobs at libraries often pay even less than secretarial positions.
I have been working since I was fifteen, and I have gotten to try a lot of jobs and get a sense of what I am good at. The longest I have ever lived in one place in my entire life was four years, and my husband’s five-year program will ground us and give us a chance to put down roots. I don’t want to waste that opportunity.
Ultimately, I want a job that allows me to answer questions and help people. Because of my Asperger’s and illnesses, that job needs to be low stress, and it can’t be physically demanding. I would rather find full-time work so that I could afford insurance, but I’m not sure I’m physically capable of it anymore.
I don’t know if I should feel guilty about wasting my potential or not, and I don’t know if I should make a serious effort to earn more money or not. I have been reading you blog for several years now, and I’ve read your fiction and non-fiction. I know you have Aspergers so you understand me. And I trust you and your opinions. What do you think?
I am an INTJ and was recently laid off after working 7 years in an industry into which I fell. I have no interest in pursuing a traditional career in the corporate world again unless I am running my own business; the only reason I lasted so long at that company was because the CEO was extremely supportive of my alternate lifestyle and I treated it like a job as opposed to a career while I pursued my real passion: teaching yoga.
Between severance, unemployment, and significant savings, I have about a year before I really have to worry about making money. I am focusing my energy on teaching part time and traveling to various yoga teacher trainings to improve my skillset.
It’s been 2 months since I was laid off, and I want to spend this time figuring out a way to make teaching yoga a sustainable career for myself and others. How do you think this time will be best spent? Building an online coaching presence? Finding local clients? Or should I let this continue to be a side hustle and finagle together some other way to make a living?