I need more proof before I can accept my autism
Hi Penelope, I’m constantly thinking about dying. Your latest posts make me wonder if I have autism too. My last real boyfriend was 7 years ago and never again, could that be autism?
I’ve been doing psychoanalysis with a therapist for over a year and he’s never mentioned such a thing. He can listen to my over-explosive emotions in a detached way. Maybe he’s autistic too. Should I ask him?
Part of me wants to believe you and yet I feel I need more proof. Can I use psychoanalysis as another way to understand what’s going on and decide what to do?
What’s the best support that an autistic can have if their family denies it?
You definitely have autism. I’ve known for a long time — you’ve been emailing me for a long time.
Stop psychoanalysis. You’re wasting your time and money. Therapy does not work to make your life better on a long-term basis. You need to be told what’s going on and then you go do something.
Okay. I’m not even asking you how you could be seeing him for over a year. That’s autism. We do things that are so obviously stupid but we don’t see it. So you need to stop paying him to talk to you right now. Psychoanalysis is not taking action. You need to take action. This second.
For as long as I’ve known you, you have been incapacitated by fear because you’ve been trying to get the approval of your parents. Autism is genetic. Your family has it. They’ll never admit they have it or you have it. Right now, you depend on them for nearly everything. You should be a waitress or a cashier or anything so you can be independent of your family.
I remember you said you want to be a writer. I have a writing course that is all women with autism. You’re a good writer. Join the course. You’ll have people listening to you who are not fucking you over. And you’ll be getting better at writing at the same time which is one of your major goals.
Penelope