How can I make a smoother transition to parenthood
Hello, I was reading your blog about single parenting and desperately need some advice please. I feel like I’m losing it emotionally and it’s so frustrating.
I have a 1 year old, and his dad just opened a restaurant, and now he’s never around. We just had an argument over the phone today because I told him he has to come see his child and he says he’s swamped with work.
He does pay for rent and we are married. But now I’m here 24/7 with no rest in a small 1 bedroom apartment and I feel like I’ve run out of ideas. His mom helps out at 6pm once or twice a week and takes him over night sometimes.
I need your perspective.
I’m really sorry you feel so alone. It’s very difficult to learn how to take care of a baby all day because it’s boring but you can never stop paying attention. It’s hard for all people to make the switch to parenting, and for some of us it’s harder than others.
Your husband is not going to help because he is totally focused on work and it’s not going to change any time soon. Arguing with him about if it’s fair to do that won’t help you. It will only tire you out.
You are better off parenting alone with him paying for rent than you are parenting alone and you paying for rent. So let him pay rent and you focus on adjusting to all day with the baby.
The best way to get used to being home with the baby is to meet other moms who have the same aged baby. Go to places where there are other moms or join a group. I know it’s hard to do that but it will make your life a lot better. You don’t need to have your husband around as much as you need other moms — your husband doesn’t understand what you’re going through right now.
Don’t complain to your mother-in-law. It will push her away, and you need her help, even if it’s for just a little. I know you feel all alone and it’s a shocking place to be. You can do this – you can be with the baby all day.
Try to establish a schedule. If you can’t do that, call early intervention (it’s in every state) and tell them you are having trouble with the baby and you need help. Early intervention was my lifeline as a new mom – it helped me so much to learn about being a mom and understanding what the baby needed.
You can do this!
I wish I knew this with my first( and that I was on the spectrum)
I went one plsygroup. I was abroad and didnt have anyone else to help. Its lovely your Mother in law does help and you seem to get on.
One good thing I did was walk alot with her in the stroller up until she was 2/ 3 .
There was several playgrounds near us and green spaces.
Second time around new relationship – Dad is better for taking him especiallynow he’s 4.I courses on my phone or had books near me. I went through thr course but didnt launch a business or write the book.Only outlines. They had Facebook groups and it engaged my brain.This was when he fed and slept alot on me
I still feel I let kids take over but it was better this time. I know its easier having some help and others bringing money in/ taking care of some things thsn be I ng on your own. I now know what feels absolutely endless and full on passes. I really didnt have that feeling the first time