When I joined my current company a few years back, I started working on a special project that I have experience in, but the tool I was using was relatively new to me. As expected I spent my weekends and free time at home learning and excelling in it.

After two years, a newly employed fresh grad joined and I trained her as the management wanted me to do so. I work in senior capability and my lead is also a senior who has no clue about the work I do. But I trained her as well. They hired a new senior person who does not have any experience in the line of work I do.

As I believed the go over and above crap, I did a project as my manager VP asked me. I did a good job but my manager found some silly reason to criticize and scream at me.

I was asked to provide pictures as proof when I needed to work from home due to major repairs at home, but they gave the new colleague permission to work from home half days for the whole week as her teenage kid has holidays.

Fast forward the manager changed, and my colleagues got licensed to use the tool I was using so that they can also do the same work. As they started bombarding me with basic questions I guided them to the online documentation and videos available (I learned from them) as I already provided 2 sessions on that and also scheduled a session again but they canceled it and keep asking me questions.

No one else is learning anything new and sharing. They have no time to read and watch the video I provided. Within four months time, the new colleague complained about me behind my back but now she comes to me sounding innocent asking how to questions.

She won’t share any info. She already managed to take a high profile project which was promised to me by the VP. Once I was told I’m the highest paid in my team. Now part of my work is getting assigned slowly to my colleagues. My boss says everyone should know everything on the team so he wants me to train others but the work my other colleague is doing is not shared or no knowledge transfer sessions or training on it.

Do you think I better start looking for another job?

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11 replies
  1. Penelope Trunk
    Penelope Trunk says:

    I think you need to work on social skills at work. People get promoted for being likable and you are not trying hard to be likable. It doesn’t matter if you share information with people because your value at work is not what you know. It’s who likes you.

    This is probably not what you’re expecting, but it’s actually a nice way for the world to work. It encourages kindness.

    Here’s a post I wrote on the topic of being nice at work:


    And here’s a post about how to develop better social skills in order to succeed at work:



  2. jessica
    jessica says:

    Even if you left this job, you’d have the same problems elsewhere.

    You need to stop focusing on the rewards others are getting and perceived slights. If you are going to do that, at least be happy for them.

  3. jessica
    jessica says:

    I asked my executive husband about this and his reply was:

    ‘He should have quit the position as soon as they disrespected him by asking for photo proof. He’s a nobody there and it’s clear no one likes him. He should be nicer, but at a different company.’

  4. Anna
    Anna says:

    The tone of the mailbag message is entitlement. This is not how things work. “He should do this” or “she should do that”. “I should get this” or whatnot. It probably ties to a MBTI trait that some types are prone to. A kind of personal expectation idealism or something like that. This is not good in business. Maybe other kinds of jobs that are more black and white, not based on relationships and person-to-person interactions, and that are more rule-based and move along predictable lines. Business is nuanced and open-ended and flows along. It seems like the office in this inquiry is moving along at 60mph in an intuitive path and the person writing is just trying to keep up using reason not intuition. Relying on hierarchy expectations not actual reality on the ground. Just my take. Maybe I’m wrong.

    • S
      S says:

      I would bet that OP is an INTJ. I read his post and really related to it. I have been in similar situations and I feel similar frustration with people who rely on social skills instead of task skills or problem solving skills in an abstract sense. (I think you are not an ENTJ because all of those I know have *both* kinds of skills).

      I don’t know if it helps, but I’m now self-employed and I like it. I don’t know what your profession is but if it’s plausible, go out on your own.

      • Anna
        Anna says:

        S – Exactly. I was thinking INTJ, too. My husband is an INTJ and this is somewhat how he seems to organize his perceptions of things.

        Zellie – Could be SF, too. I don’t know the details for SF, but I think I know someone who is an SF, and she is also somewhat like this.

        MBTI is key to this person’s situation, I think.

  5. Study of Humans
    Study of Humans says:

    I think you should get a new job and work on your social skills. You’re not happy there and it shows in your behavior at work.

    As far as providing proof to work from home, I once worked for a manager that would only allow you to work from home if you replied to his instant messages within 30 seconds of it being sent.

    This was not a reflection on my team’s maturity, it was a reflection on the Manager’s. It was well known he was goofing off when he claimed to be working from home, and he assumed everyone did the same. Your manager may be more understanding of someone working form home to care for kids because h/she can relate as a parent. It’s bad management no matter how you look at it, it just may not be personal to you in that instance.

    Good luck

  6. Anna
    Anna says:

    I think it’s an SE-NI and TE-FI type issue. Extroverted sensing and thinking with introverted intuition and feeling.

  7. Wendy
    Wendy says:

    I feel bad saying this, but the truth is (and I say this having gone through a similar experience myself) OP’s boss most likely hates them and is trying to get them out the door as fast as possible. Nobody at their workplace likes them, and the fact that they’re the highest-paid person on the team is even more incentive to try and get them out.

    I can’t speak to their social skills, but what can say is that OP has a lot of resentment towards their coworkers and boss and it’s very clear.

    They should definitely be looking for another job.

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