Current job vs new job vs boyfriend?

I’m currently a business analyst at a consulting firm. I was offered a position as consultant in another firm and today when I was telling my boss I was quitting she offered me the same conditions the new place is offering me. I honestly don’t know what to do know. My current employer is not as big as the new firm but definitely has big clients and I love the environment. The last year was rough but I’m finally being recognized and I’m allocated in interesting projects. Growth is not that immediate and I think there is a lack of expertise. However I have veery flexible schedules and a lot of room to propose ideas.

On the other hand the new firm is a more recognized company where I could definitely learn a lot, sacrificing personal life.

Boyfriend who lives in another continent and is moving to England and thinks our relationship wouldn’t survive if I take the new job cause of the amount of work and cause I’ll never want to move to London.

I think I want to change jobs but I’m scared I’m making the wrong choice. I don’t really know what’s best for me (career and personal wise).

6 replies
  1. Penelope Trunk
    Penelope Trunk says:

    Counteroffers. It’s bad practice for a company to make a counter-offer when an employee has another job offer. If the company valued you they should have made that counter-offer before you went job hunting. And if you were unhappy with your current job, then getting more money should not have any bearing on if you leave or not. Which is all to say you should go to the new job.

    But it’s not that simple, because if you want to get married in time to have kids you need to start making choices that put relationships first. So the boyfriend is the first priority. And if he’s not important enough to make job decisions for, then you should dump him.

    In any case, you are too old to be dating men you don’t want to marry. And being a consultant when you have a family is impossible without a stay-at-home spouse. So you should either:
    1. Get out of consulting and move to where your boyfriend is
    2. Find another job and another boyfriend
    3. Take the new job and find a stay-at-home husband


  2. YesMyKidsAreSocialized
    YesMyKidsAreSocialized says:

    Getting an offer from another company is actually a very smart way to get a raise at ones current company, if you want to stay at the company. We’ve had friends negotiate to Sr. Director and have a new division started for them to head up when they had an offer to leave.

    Generally one has already made the decision to leave by this point and in your case you have a partner who doesn’t support your move to the new job. Telling you up front he doesn’t think it’ll last seems very controlling to me and maybe it’s time to look for someone who is supportive of you. Even if you do end up leaving the career to be at home or marry a partner who stays at home, this person doesn’t sound like someone I’d trust with my emotional trust.

  3. Ridingthatbrand
    Ridingthatbrand says:

    If your counter is with a big brand (Bain, BCG, McKinsey) you should take it, do a year or two, and forever have the brand on you resume. Its priceless. If it’s not, I would stay for the flexible schedule.

  4. jessica
    jessica says:

    Is he the higher earner and only able to talk to you when he has a few minutes a day? You don’t want to move to London without commitment, which is reasonable. On the flip side, if you’ve told him you won’t move to London to be with him, why should he continue to think the relationship will survive?

    If his career has been the demanding one (such as banking), I can see why he’d be wondering what will happen if you have an equally demanding career, in a different city, especially since your job has been more flexible up until this point. Two competent people with good careers have this watershed moment all the time. His career will be the one to support you both in through the future (kids, family etc) and something you need to think about in terms of family planning.

    Talk with the boyfriend, decline the old job’s new offer, and take the new job. If your boyfriend wants to commit, then reevaluate your job situation at that point. If he is in banking he will not move to you, you will need to move to him. He is right in that going from analyst to consultant will be enormously time consuming and he knows he needs to make some personal decisions. Good luck!

  5. Maria
    Maria says:

    Oh gosh! I have to comment on this because I have been there. If you are under 30 or around there, take the new job in a larger company, learn a lot, build expertise and curriculum and enjoy your job. Your kids and family can stil wait 3 years or so. Do the heavy lifting now, so you can take sometime off when you have kids and be able to go back to work easily afterwards. If the guy loves you, he will understand and you guys will travel to see each other. We took turns in flying between Berlin and London every two weeks or so for more than a year. Trust your instinct on this one. My only advice is use the time now to build the foundations of your career, this gives you options later on, it gets tougher after you have kids.

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