Help for son who won’t get a job

Hello Penelope,  I love to read your blog. I got a copy of your book and I wondered if this book still applies to the employment scene of today. I cant seem to help my son find a job. He wont look.He has a BS in Communications but seems to be an Asperger s person although he would deny it. He has never dated, hardly leaves his room and hangs w his high school buds about 5 guys who have girlfriends and wives but still manage to hang w him. I d say he acts about 14. He is vegan, we buy his food and he lives w us rent free and we pay for his car. He is hard to deal w and his decisions make no sense to us. He wants to be an internet millionaire or Amazon affiliate millionaire but has neither their outgoing YOU TUBEY personalities or the money to purchase any of their courses where they teach you how they all became millionaires. He refuses to do most jobs which are available in Southeastern Virginia, like grocery store stockers or big box store workers like Costco. The thing is, I lost my job and my husband became sick and had to retire at 50 on disability and we are older now and struggling financially. We worry what will happen to him, he has noone w any substance in his life to take care of him or help him. He works about 1 month a year I would say. He would never take career advice from anyone, but I would. He is difficult, but a wonderful, good person. He wont go back to any school except internet. He graduated in 2014 and really does nothing but sleep til 1230 and go out w friends surfing and skateboarding . Our dog died in 2016 which hit him very hard for she was his closest companion. We had to go to an apartment for financial reasons and cannot get him another dog. Do you have any advice for me ?? Thank you, Penelope. I pray for you and your sons and I hope you can become fantastically wealthy. My married daughter and I refer to you by your first name , as a friend or confidant as we discuss your latest blogs!

2 replies
  1. Penelope Trunk
    Penelope Trunk says:

    You have Aspergers, too. And if you get help for your own issues with Asperger’s your son will follow your lead.

    Aspergers is genetic, so that’s a good clue that one of your son’s parents has Asperger’s. But I would have known you have Asperger’s just from reading your email.

    I’m going to tell you why I know you have Aspergers, not to make you feel bad, but to show you how hard it is for people with Aspergers to know they have Aspergers:

    You have poor executive function so you’re having trouble solving problems.
    You have high IQ but you are expressing yourself unevenly.
    You think rule following is important if it suits you.
    You don’t understand the social conventions of transitioning to adulthood.

    But the bottom line is just like your son’s decisions make no sense to you, your decisions make no sense to the people around you. It’s just so much harder to see it in ourselves.

    So if you go get help, and start to understand what it is, then your son will go. You can be role model for him. You will learn how it has impacted you, and how it has trapped you, and then you can help your son better. First you need to understand Aspergers in you.


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