I’m in a dip and I miss my work identity. How long will this last?

I’m 30 and in a dip. I’m currently a stay-at-home mom. I just quit my non-profit job and I’m in a dip. I’ve taken several personality tests to find my strengths that point me to the next path. I love my family, but my previous occupation was a large part of my identity and I miss that.

I’m interested in advocating for changes that will make it easier for my kids, especially my 5-year-old daughter, if she chooses to have children.  Do most women with young children still want to work part time?

2 replies
  1. Penelope Trunk
    Penelope Trunk says:

    You’re not in a dip. You are in a transition and you are trying to figure out how to get out into a good place.

    I say this not to split hairs but to help you focus on what you need to do in order to solve your problems. It’s not enough to look at where your strengths and skills are. You have to also look at where those fit in relation to jobs that allow for making time for family.

    Your situation is really common and, frankly, it’s discouraging that women (me included) go through it alone, because we are so sad that it’s happening. It’s so common, and if we could all share more, the experience would not be as sad.

    A lot of women are not used to being stuck and are really surprised to find themselves in this spot after having kids. I think you probably fall into this category. I hope it’s comforting for you to know that a lot of high performing women end up where you are, and they get out with help, and do just fine.

    If you want to make things better for your daughter, recognize that she is most likely to choose to stay home with children so start telling all your kids from a young age how valuable a goal that is in life. Tell them that it’s okay if they don’t like school because they can always focus on caretaking because that’s really important too; it’s just the same way we tell kids it’s okay if they want to study instead of cooking dinner for the family.


  2. Jay
    Jay says:

    Thought of the below blurb from an email newsletter I received (from https://aaronrenn.substack.com/p/weekly-digest-what-women-and-men). Feel secure in your position and, regardless of income potential, involve yourself in a project that fills the desire gap, and who knows what will come.

    “And both women and men today see reproduction as a choice not a calling, and are content that each other see it that way. Having children is a lifestyle choice today, not a necessity. Declining birth rates and below-replacement fertility suggest it is one that’s falling out of fashion.

    The item that most clearly stands out as a spot of contention today is surplus provisioning. This is the belief that a man must provide not just for himself, but to over-produce in order to help provide for his family and broader community as well. Feminism treats female surplus provisioning in the form of traditional nurturing activities as one of the key burdens women need to be liberated from. It treats with deep hostility the idea of women providing for or doing things for others without compensation, even in some cases going so far as to complain about “uncompensated emotional labor.” Contemporary women would reject a statement such as “‘real women’ are generous, even to a fault” modeled after Gilmore’s description of men.”

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