What to say to my sister who is wasting her talent and money

I’m worried about my sister. She’s a 21-year-old INTP. She’s a genius yet she decided to give up academics in favor of being a professional cellist. Currently she lives off playing blackjack and manipulates older men into giving her money because she’s hot.

Two things worry me:

  1. She’s completely irresponsible when it comes to money. She splurges all her winnings, has absolutely no savings and often can’t pay rent.
  2. I can’t imagine her feeling fulfilled in the cellist job. This seems like such an out of character choice for an INTP. I can’t figure for the life of me why she is drawn to it.

She’s an adult and can make her own choices, but I can’t help being worried she will end up broke and unhappy, having wasted years pursuing a career that’s not the right one. Should I say something? Maybe suggest another career choice?

3 replies
  1. Penelope Trunk
    Penelope Trunk says:

    Honestly she sounds like she’s doing fine. I coach a lot of blackjack and poker players. They are almost always INTP and weird. They are also almost always men. It’s rare to find a woman with the skills your sister has. It’s not rare for women her age to get men to give them money – not prostitution but just random money because that’s how men are.

    If your sister were working at a Fortune 500 company making $150k/year she’d be in trouble in ten years because you don’t see your kids, ever, if you have one of those jobs.

    So all women have to completely rethink their career every ten years. Including you.

    Be a nice, supportive sister and stop being so judgemental. She doesn’t need your help unless she asks for it. I think your sister is being a typical math genius and a typical hot, young woman, and you shouldn’t worry about her.


  2. minami
    minami says:

    I suspect that the reason the writer is being judgmental is rooted in the “she often can’t pay rent part,” which gives me the impression that Writer Sister feels on the hook for helping her out of these situations. So maybe the writer feels like the INTP’s problems are becoming other people’s problems (such as the writer).

  3. Cheryl Wahlheim
    Cheryl Wahlheim says:

    I feel like telling the writer to back off her sister. So what is she wants to play cello and have a sugar daddy? So what if she is bad with money? It is all part of getting more mature. Stop bailing her out and let her live her life!

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