Will my autistic kid go to a great college?
Dear Penelope,
I am so happy to have found your blog. I read What explains the outsized success of autistic applicants to college post. My 4-year-old son was diagnosed with mild to moderate autism. He has language, social, cognitive and motor delays. He is not intellectually disabled. His developmental pediatrician says that he is smart. Do these universities(MIT, Stanford, Harvard) have students like my kid? I know that these universities have students with autism, but they may be very smart and may have just social delay when they were young. I like to dream. My dream is that my kid will go to such great universities despite all the challenges he is facing right now. I feel his autism will help him get into these universities.
For any kid, getting into top colleges is a result of parents having a truckload of money or parents being very invested – on a daily basis – with their kids’ education and preparation for the college application. Lucky for you, you can control how much time you invest in your son’s education. Find out how other parents did it so you can get a sense of how much time you’d actually have to invest. (Whatever you’re thinking – it’s more.)
For now, you should get help with PT, OT and speech therapy. I hope you have started all of that, because the developmental pediatrician is telling you to do that.
Also, though, your son is intellectually disabled. Autism is an intellectual difference that includes uneven brain development. So autistic people are exceptionally gifted in some things and we have a decficit in other things. Fortunately, autistim is genetic; you have it and so does your son’s dad, so you both have actually been dealing with the uneven brain development your whole life. If you can work hard to understand this in yourself then you can do a good job of understanding it in your son and giving him the help you wish you and your husband had.
PS About that developmental pediatrician saying no intellectual deficit. It’s a big pain for developmental pediatricians to give bad news. The pediatrician wants to make sure you get your kid help with the items the pediatrician laid out. The pediatrician doesn’t wan to distract you with intellectual differences as well. It’s not a rule that you have to receive all the possible information from a doctor, and when it comes to autism you almost never will. It drives developmental pediatricians crazy having to tell parents what they need to address becuase most parents don’t address the issues the developmental pediatrian tells them to.
Penelope
Right now we feel that we have enough money to send him to any university in the US, but life is unpredictable. We don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, so we will see.
I am ready to invest as much as it is needed on my son’s education. My son and his education top my priority list.
Yes, we do OT and speech therapy. We don’t need PT as my son’s motor delays are not too bad.
I know that my husband and I have some autistic traits. We don’t like to socialize. We didn’t have any issues focusing on studies during school. If we both are autistic, then by the logic you mentioned (both parents of a person with autism are autistic.) our parents are also autistic. Because our parents are autistic, our grandparents are also autistic. So if this logic is true, then a lot of the world should be autistic, but I think that’s not true. Please let me know what mistake I am making here in understanding the logic you mentioned.
I read your last paragraph about intellectual deficit. So my follow-up question is that am I a fool to think that my son can go to a prestigious university like MIT, Harvard, Stanford, etc. Is that goal too ambitious?
By the way, thank you so very much for your answer! I appreciate it quite a lot.
Autistic people marry autistic people and autistic people tend to live in big cities or college towns. So it seems like everyone’s autistic but it’s just everyone in your life.
I wrote to you about investing time in your son’s education and you replied about investing money. That’s part of autism: we hear what we want to hear.
The reason the get your son PT is that all autistic people have PT issues –it’s so pronounced that a computer can diagnose us from our gait. As autistic people we adjust our gait to accommodate our deficits. The pediatrician told you to get PT for your son so that he has to pay less attention to his body moving through space. This will allow your son to focus on social skills which will be essential for feeling confident among his peers.
As for college, the best thing you can do to help your son is to focus on connecting wth him instead of focusing on achievements. First connection, then help him to see what he is great at, and then encourage him. The rest comes after that.
Oh no, that’s typo. I meant I am ready to invest as much time* as it is needed on my son’s education. My son and his education top my priority list (of on what I want to spend time).
Yes, you are right. I am working on connection with my son right now. Not much academics at this point. I just play with him all the time so that he connects with me.