My boyfriend thinks that emotionally I am still a child, and I think he is right. I am needy and find it difficult to deal with disappointment or uncertainty. I manage fine with my degree (I’m in my final year and set to get a 2.1) but my personal life is difficult. I show some symptoms of Aspergers such as failure to read into what people say and do, failure to conform to social niceties such as small talk, and a dislike of change and certain physical sensations. However, not enough to get a diagnosis and I don’t think I actually have Aspergers.

I am in therapy and fired my last psychiatrist for being crap. While I get on better with my new one and think he’s actually helping, he is very busy and I can only see him once every fortnight. I’m officially in therapy for depression (now largely better), low self-esteem (still a problem) and paranoia (now better). It’s on the NHS and I can’t get another psychiatrist through my local service and can’t access university counselling because they won’t see me because I’m being seen my my local service.

How can I grow up emotionally?

I have talked with my therapist about the possibility that I might have Asperger’s Syndrome. She says she doesn’t think it interferes with my life enough to get a diagnosis.

Can you tell me what you think I should do to solve my problems?

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1 reply
  1. Penelope Trunk
    Penelope Trunk says:

    Why do you think you would mot get a diagnosis? This doesn’t make sense to me at all.

    It is very difficult to diagnose Asperger’s in a grown woman. First of all, because it is rare in women, and second of all, women with Asperger’s develop radically different coping skills than men with Asperger’s do by the time they have reached their 20s. (For example women are much more likely than men to reach out for help in an email like yours, or to listen with open ears to a boyfriend’s criticism as you are doing.)

    The reason a diagnosis is important is because you would treat all this stuff with digferent tactics depending on the root cause. For example, if you talk over people and don’t listen to them and seem oblivious to their feelings you could be a narcissist. And you treat a narcissist differently than you treat someone with Asperger’s.

    I have to tell you that you sound aspergers to me. Your email sounds like you have a hard time getting along with people even though it’s a priority to you and your are trying hard. My experience tells me that women with Asperger’s have this issue, but for non-Asperger women, if they care a lot about getting along with other people, they are usually successful at it.

    My final plea for you to get a diagnosis: A diagnosis genrates self knowldge at a faster rate than no diagnosis. And a diagnosis allows you to get access to a wide range of professionals who specialize in women just like you.


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