How can I get people to respond better to me?

I have issues around work, social and dating areas of my life. I’ll keep this short. People have suggested I make them feel stupid and suggesting I don’t hear what they say. Then I would use sarcasm to push people away. One woman said I made her feel obligated to go for coffee with me. I’m falling into a circle of resentment and regret of my incompetence in these situations.

What are some best strategies you can advise me on? Let’s keep this to an email Q&A.

1 reply
  1. Penelope Trunk
    Penelope Trunk says:

    You want me to email you instead of talking on the phone because you want help but you don’t want to do something out of your comfort zone like talk on the phone, right? But you know you are asking big questions that will require a lot of back-and-forth emails, and somewhere, deep down, you know a phone call would be easier for me to give you feedback, but you don’t like that reality. It’s uncomfortable.

    You do that everywhere. In all of these areas, you think you are just doing small things that feel comfortable for you but you are actually not understanding at all about the comfort level of the other person so you are missing out on making a real connection.

    You are so scared to be on the outside of what feels ok to you that you undermine yourself everywhere and you don’t realize it. If you could learn to think of the other person before yourself, you would have a lot more success in all parts of your life.

    To other people it would feel like you are trying to be considerate but it’s not natural to you. To you this would feel like you never do what you want, and you always put other peoples’ needs first. Social skills are difficult because empathy is relative. This nuance is difficult for you.


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