My daughter needs me to respond to her differently now. I don’t know how to help her. She shuts down when we talk. Even when she reaches out. I think she needs more compassion and empathy. My default is to go into fix it mode.
My ten-year-old son is in fourth grade and came home completely stressed out about math yesterday, literally four days into the school year.
It turns out they’re learning geometry, right angles, obtuse angles, etc. It’s not the entire curriculum of high school tenth grade geometry I had when I was in school but it seems above what is considered developmentally appropriate for fourth grade when we were in school.
It’s actually not entirely horrible but my kid is completely stressed out. Maybe it’s the culmination of all he’s exposed to in school, plus having to wear a mask all day and be socially distant, that’s put him at somewhat of a breaking point. Just wondering if this rings true to you.
I’m planning with my husband the next couple of years with kids.
I wanted to know, after everything you learned, if we had to choose, is there a “most important phase” to stay home with kids? The baby phase, the primary school phase, the teenage years..? I’m asking so we can organize ourselves financially.
The hardest thing for me is that I take care of the kids 24/7. No matter how flexible I am with family / extended family (even my ex’s family) or how hard I work at forging a community, I can’t find reliable people who can help watch my kids and I can’t pay for childcare on my income. How do you do it? How do you spend all day every day with kids and not go completely insane?
Whenever I think maybe I’ve found a balance and gotten some normalcy established, everything gets upended again and I’m back to square one with little to no childcare and staying up hours past their bedtime just so my introvert self can recharge. Idk if I’m just venting or if I actually think you might have an answer I haven’t thought of yet.
I was wondering what your thoughts/knowledge are about having more than one kid and about age spacing. I’m thinking about having a second next year (my son is ten months now), but I’m not completely sure for several reasons, one of them that my own relationship with my sister isn’t that great.
Is it smart to bribe my 5-year-old with video game time in return for practicing the guitar (or doing other stuff)? I don’t actually care if he plays a lot of games, but it seems like a fiendishly smart strategy to limit his time in order to use it as a bargaining chip for chores and learning stuff (like guitar, which he asked to learn) that takes work.
Is that terrible?!
Did your musical kid actually always want to practice, or did you make him practice because you knew he did want it but needed help doing the work?
Is there a way to leverage their love for video games in a way that isn’t going to screw them up?!
I have decided not to go back to work after my maternity leave ends in the middle of October. I am going to be a SAHM for 2-3 years before I do any kind of contract or freelance, but likely be mostly home for 5 years before I go back fulltime.
What do I do with my linkedin profile in the meantime? Do I show that my current job ends in the middle of October, and then nothing for my current position?
I am quite proud of being a SAHM and think more women should be too. What do you think of putting something like Managing Director, family name., and listing the work I do as a mom (advance negotiation, scheduling, budgetting, etc., etc.,) in a way that clearly says I am at home, and I am “owning it”, or “leaning into it” if you will. I don’t feel like I have anything to be ashamed of, but also think it is a safer move after I get my next job.
I am a self employed accountant, and I need your advice on the best way to handle my maternity leave for our first child. My clients all require face time for any hours billed and are not open to my working remotely. In anticipation of the baby, I have started looking for new clients so I can work remotely with them and let go of the clients who insist on face time only.
However there is one of my key current clients that I want to keep. The commute to their office is 20 minutes only unlike other clients and I can do the work with my eyes closed. To avoid being replaced, I want to propose taking two weeks off and then coming back to my normal working hours with them – 18 hours spread over 3 days. All the other clients who insist on face time will be given enough notice to find alternative arrangements as my due date approaches.
My husband is happy to take several months of parental leave with my family who live nearby also happy to help while I return to work part time. Our plan is to then get a nanny to come to our home 3 days a week once he returns to work.
I know going back to work 2 weeks after having the baby will be tough but I am keen for my income to not drop to zero and the money worries that will come with that. Also I think of it as a sacrifice that I will only have to make once, now that any new clients I take on will be on a remote basis. My goal is to work a maximum of 30 hours a week so the rest of my time can be spent with my family.
Also, my personality type is INTJ,
Do you think the plan is feasible and what advice would you give so I can succeed. Thank you.
Your post titled How to Pick a Husband if You Want to Have Kids really reasonated with me. Well, half of it did. I already have a husband, and I’m 31 years old. I’m an ENFJ, so a lot of my self-worth comes from my career achievements (I’m a lawyer), but relationships are very important to me too. Not just my relationship with my husband. This is going to sound borderline sociopathic, but I get excited when I’m able to make a connection with an interesting person who is really introverted.
Anyway, right now I am trying to assess whether I should have children at all. My husband definitely wants them. I think I want them too, but in reality, I know I would really struggle, especially the first few years because I would have to compromise at work. And he makes about twice as much money as me, so I would have to be the one to take the longer maternity leave and work around the nanny/daycare/whatever schedule much more than him, at least for now.But if I decide no kids ever (leaving aside the damage to my marriage that would ensure), how do I know I won’t wake up when I’m 45 and really regret it? My personality makes me think that would probably happen. Then again, if I don’t have that strong urge to be a mother now, will I ever have it?
People constantly say I’m really nurturing, and I’d be a great mom. My own mother died when I was 22, so I don’t have a great sounding board for this stuff. Part of this may be coming from me seeing friends have babies and struggle with it. Three of my best friends from law school had kids within the past year, and all three tried to go back but quit working entirely within the first year.
What is your advice for women like me who are already pretty far into their careers and did not take your advice to have kids early?
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penelope@penelopetrunk.com