I have a 5 year old and a 3 1/2 month old baby and this is our first year homeschooling and I’m having a horrible time managing it.

A bit more about our family:
Both my husband and I work. My husband has to travel away from home 1-2 nights per week and sometimes more. But his job does allow him to often schedule around my commitments. I am an instructor at a community college and I have classes twice a week for half the day plus 2-3 random hour long meetings per month. The rest of my classes are online, so I can do the work when it suits my schedule. I have a month off in December/January and all summer off. Hubby watches the kids one of the days I go to work and the other day we hire a babysitter.

With the new baby and homeschooling, I am having a hard time balancing my work and the kids and I’m worried that I’m not doing enough for my kids, especially my oldest.

I’m torn because a part of me wants to quit my job, but I know that would be extremely unwise. I make a decent amount of money for the number of hours that I work, I have fantastic medical and retirement benefits and my “commute” is 5 minutes. Plus, this is my last year of tenure and assuming I make it through, it will be almost impossible for me to get fired. I also make more money than Hubby because of my education and years of experience. And I do like my job. It is interesting and engaging. If I quit, it would be almost impossible to get this job back. Ever.

But, even if I quit my job to be here for my kids, how do I choose which homeschool activities to do? All of the activities are so fun, I suspect that I would fill all of the “extra” time I would have I would just fill up with more activities for the kids and I would still feel like I was spread too thin. And we wouldn’t be able to do all of the things that we do now without my income. I worry that I would regret quitting my job.

Hubby and I have considered having him quit his job (which I would love because I would have someone home to help me get things done and to spend more time together), but I think so much of his identity and self-worth comes from his job, that he would be miserable being a stay-at-home dad. So this option is off the table.

So, what are your thoughts? I am an INFJ, if that influences your advice.

I am a self employed accountant, and I need your advice on the best way to handle my maternity leave for our first child. My clients all require face time for any hours billed and are not open to my working remotely. In anticipation of the baby, I have started looking for new clients so I can work remotely with them and let go of the clients who insist on face time only.

However there is one of my key current clients that I want to keep. The commute to their office is 20 minutes only unlike other clients and I can do the work with my eyes closed. To avoid being replaced, I want to propose taking two weeks off and then coming back to my normal working hours with them – 18 hours spread over 3 days. All the other clients who insist on face time will be given enough notice to find alternative arrangements as my due date approaches.

My husband is happy to take several months of parental leave with my family who live nearby also happy to help while I return to work part time. Our plan is to then get a nanny to come to our home 3 days a week once he returns to work.

I know going back to work 2 weeks after having the baby will be tough but I am keen for my income to not drop to zero and the money worries that will come with that. Also I think of it as a sacrifice that I will only have to make once, now that any new clients I take on will be on a remote basis.  My goal is to work a maximum of 30 hours a week so the rest of my time can be spent with my family.
Also, my personality type is INTJ,

Do you think the plan is feasible and what advice would you give so I can succeed. Thank you.

I came to US 5 years ago for school and working for a fortune 500 company in Chicago and make a decent living. My parents are in India and wanted to marry someone of the same religion, caste etc (too much for ppl here to understand) Well. I visited my parents last November and they made me meet someone. She was smart, have same views about things I care for, but something about her physical looks bother me. I said yes to my parents after meeting her for couple days I was there, thinking I will get over the fact. But I never did.  Whenever we skype, it keeps bothering me. There were twice I told her I’m not ready for the wedding w/out telling the actual reason and she convinced me everything is going to be alrite.  I have my wedding in 1 month. It’s been couple weeks I even skyped but use whatsapp and phone every day. All invitations are sent out and my entire family is excited for me to go there and get married. I’m having strong back thoughts. In my family calling off wedding means they will actually disown me.

I need your opinion on what I should be doing. Why do I need your opinion. Because I want to know what you think is the right thing to do, from a person who doesn’t know me and would tell me the truth – I could just think of you. When I ask this question to friends who know me they don’t give me a frank answer and some convince me I’ll be alrite after the wedding and some say it’s too late and will be embarrassing for the entire family if I do that.

Your post titled How to Pick a Husband if You Want to Have Kids really reasonated with me.  Well, half of it did.  I already have a husband, and I’m 31 years old.  I’m an ENFJ, so a lot of my self-worth comes from my career achievements (I’m a lawyer), but relationships are very important to me too.  Not just my relationship with my husband.  This is going to sound borderline sociopathic, but I get excited when I’m able to make a connection with an interesting person who is really introverted.
Anyway, right now I am trying to assess whether I should have children at all.  My husband definitely wants them. I think I want them too, but in reality, I know I would really struggle, especially the first few years because I would have to compromise at work.  And he makes about twice as much money as me, so I would have to be the one to take the longer maternity leave and work around the nanny/daycare/whatever schedule much more than him, at least for now.

But if I decide no kids ever (leaving aside the damage to my marriage that would ensure), how do I know I won’t wake up when I’m 45 and really regret it?  My personality makes me think that would probably happen.  Then again, if I don’t have that strong urge to be a mother now, will I ever have it?

People constantly say I’m really nurturing, and I’d be a great mom.  My own mother died when I was 22, so I don’t have a great sounding board for this stuff.  Part of this may be coming from me seeing friends have babies and struggle with it.  Three of my best friends from law school had kids within the past year, and all three tried to go back but quit working entirely within the first year.

What is your advice for women like me who are already pretty far into their careers and did not take your advice to have kids early?

I’m 25. I’ve been a professional musician for 3 years. I am in a committed relationship with a man I love.

My music career appears to be on a precipice, but it hasn’t made it to the level of national awareness yet. I am attracting Grammy-nominated producers, good agents, etc. My career could escalate hugely in the next 5 years. I do not have unrealistic rock star goals (Lucinda Williams is a role model).

I am pregnant with twins. I’m deciding whether to keep them. I’m afraid if I have these kids now, I won’t have the energy or desire to pursue music success. (I would rather be at home with them… I think.) I’m essentially a small business owner. Plus, music means lots of travel, and the industry puts a premium on youth. My window seems more finite than it would appear to be in other industries.

My relationship with these unborn twins could be one of the greatest things in my life. I am certain that it would matter more to me than winning a Grammy.

That said, I could wait and start to have kids in 5 years or so. If I make it above the scrum, I might be able to coast on my music business achievements for longer and hang on to my rung of the career ladder until I’m ready to start climbing again.

I think I could survive both an abortion and birth. I’d have a hard time with an abortion or with giving up music, but I would do what I had to to recover.

I’m stuck with all these feelings and no definitive answer. The clock is ticking. These babies are growing inside of me. Any advice?

I have a question. Why do so many feel they must vigilantly defend their decision to homeschool?

So much of the dialogue I read regarding homeschooling seems to be centered around defending/justifying the decision. I admit to having done this, however, at some point, I realized that it was no longer important for me to do this. We homeschool our child and have enjoyed the benefits and frustrations that come with it. I am not sending this to you as some sort of troll. I have found your blog entries to be honest and thoughtful and wanted to pose this question to you.

[Editor’s note: Yesterday, I tweeted, “My son just came downstairs in his Penn State t-shirt and I said, ‘Um. We have to throw that shirt out.” Below is an email I received, hours later.]

I just read your Penn State Twitter involving your son and his t-shirt and your issue with is.  This is very disappointing.  There are 45,000 students, 20,000 faculty, the largest alumni base on planet earth and so what is wrong with Penn State? That one person who has not worked at Penn State since 1999 that the Governor of Pennsylvania, the Pennsylvania State Police, and the Pennsylvania Attorney General’s office has known about since 2008 and yet this pedophile still lives within 1,000 feet of an elementary school, and this is a Penn State problem.?  I heard of one teacher in a school district from New York State who was charged and convicted as a pedophile and so is this a New York Public School problem state wide?  Should I never watch the network news because it originated from New York City in New York State? I could go on and on, but please take a moment to think of what you are teaching your child and tweeting- that one person who worked there 12 years ago does not castigate an entire organization now.  If you would like to discuss this further do not hesitate to contact me at [phone number and name redacted].

I am an older mom who is busy supporting a family and working as an ICU nurse.  I don’t want my daughter to repeat my lifetime of mistakes.  She is bright about many things but in school I feel she is an underachiever and does just enough to get by.  I have had many financial setbacks.  I lost my home, lived with in-laws and now live in a house that was a fixer-uper and I was never able to do the fixing up. I could go on and on. But enough about me.

How do I guide my teen to choose a career path that will be suitable for their abilities and potential. I have depleted all my savings just keeping the family going so its going to be a community college to start out.  She is 16 and very responsible.  She has had three jobs in three months. Now she’s working at her third, job as restaurant hostess.  How do I be the guidance counsellor, where do I start?

Also, as a woman in her late 20’s contemplating parenthood, the responsibilities of parenthood are daunting. The more I try to rationally consider whether or not to have children, the more confused am. Maybe this is a silly reaction.

I probably shouldn’t decide not to have kids because I might have to homeschool them someday, but I can’t help it. If you homeschool how do you have time for anything else? I saw my mom lose herself parenting my sister and me. I know if I decide to have kids I want to also take care of myself.

It all comes down to choices. I often think having all these damn choices is debilitating. Do you agree or think that’s just an excuse for inaction?

I am 38, my husband is 42. We have a 4 year old son. The last four years have been seriously challenging. My son has some medical issues (not life threatening, but requires lots of time with doctors and a lot of sleep deprivation for his parents). He is also has challenging behavior issues, which we are working on with the help of his pediatrician and most likely some counseling. Your previous posts on the challenges (the reality) of parenting really resonated with me.

Given the challenges that you have outlined in your previous posts..I often wonder why people have more than one kid. The only reason I am even considering another child is to give my child a sibling. What do you think? Should we try for another child?