If I buy into the premise that I’m autistic and so are my kids, where the hell do I go from here?
I’m a divorced mom of two young kids residing somewhere on the spectrum. I’d like to be a good mom, partner, daughter, friend, coworker, neighbor but just writing this sentence was exhausting.
Should I get an emotional support dog for my daughter? We are relocating internationally and my oldest kid is using my younger one as an emotional crutch.
Please don’t kill me.
Is there a reason why autistic males have so much energy and female autistics have so little? Just something I noticed in general and in my own family.
For example, most male autistics I meet even in old age have limitless energy for hobbies and other stuff while most female autistics I know (including myself) have barely enough energy to make it through the day.
My kids are 11 and 4 who both got diagnosed with autism during COVID. Periodically I think I made a mistake getting them diagnosed.
We are seeing therapists and moving to school districts with better school support for them. They are doing better now than before getting the diagnosis. But my husband and I are exhausted with the financial pressure and endless decision making of which therapy to pursue.
How is the future going to look better? What does a diagnosis really do?! What help do we really get?!
I made a comparison between my mother and a narcissistic mother which showed various similarities. Then I read the book you recommended and highlighted the areas that applied to my experience. By that, I mean, 70% of the book got highlighted.
Now I’m accepting and one day I will be recovering.
I think my mother is on the autism spectrum. And I know for a fact she suffered her own traumas. But I don’t think being on the spectrum completely erases your ability to feel empathy, no?
Hi Penelope, I’m constantly thinking about dying. Your latest posts make me wonder if I have autism too. My last real boyfriend was 7 years ago and never again, could that be autism?
I’ve been doing psychoanalysis with a therapist for over a year and he’s never mentioned such a thing. He can listen to my over-explosive emotions in a detached way. Maybe he’s autistic too. Should I ask him?
Part of me wants to believe you and yet I feel I need more proof. Can I use psychoanalysis as another way to understand what’s going on and decide what to do?
What’s the best support that an autistic can have if their family denies it?
I have a four-year-old son with an ASD diagnosis. My son’s mother is in the process of getting a formal assessment for autism now as well. She has identified her own childhood was full of conflicts with her own mother and now her ability to maintain client relationships, thus negatively impacting her ability to sustain her business.
We are separated and co-parenting has been difficult. My perception is that autism influences the extent to which we don’t really understand each other’s motivation or accept each other’s points of view. It has led to police investigations and ugly disputes at family court over what I did or did not do according to her perception. i.e., the way I greet her on the street.
I see all of it connected to autism and a lack of understanding of what other people consider reasonable.
I don’t know to what extent my son has inherited these tendencies from both of our sides. If anything, he seems much happier than either of us, which reflects how hard we are both working to give him a good start.
I remember reading on your blog that both you and your ex-husband have autism and that you now seem to be getting on much better than before. I’d love to hear more about this.
I have autism and I want a woman to share my time with. However, this has proved exceedingly difficult.
I am now 31 years old and functioning a lot better than I did in my 20s. I often fool myself into thinking that I am really functional and should have no problem getting the things I want, but then I have a panic attack and remember that I am not like other people. That said I have a very good job, quite good looking and am in very good physical shape (I do triathlons).
The only women that have ever shown interest in me for any period of time are women I did not find attractive; women that I did find attractive but the idea that we were compatible was ludicrous; women with mental health problems of some sort also made them impossible to deal with.
Then, I tried using an online dating website where I was matched with another woman who has the same autism condition as me. Yet she has a social life and is less socially anxious than me. You would think we would be compatible and yet I did not get the impression that she found me attractive.
I feel like no normal woman wants a man that has almost no emotion or empathy and cannot join in with their social life. I am discouraged from the online dating experience.
Do you have any useful input for me?
I want to find the best ways to navigate romantic and platonic relationships while I’m still single.
Penelope, I wrote to you 2 years ago that I’m not convinced I have autism. I don’t think my wife has autism. She fits with other women really easily and is socially very comfortable. We can put her choice of me down to a moment of weakness.
It wouldn’t be something I would want to avoid knowing. I have some of the signs but by no means all, and the ones I have are synonymous with other conditions, i.e., an anxious attachment style.
Since then, I had a conversation with my sister. Turns out she was diagnosed with Aspergers (when they used to allow it as a formal diagnosis) some years ago. We both agree that our dad had autism.
Thinking about it now my brother is also almost definitely ASD. And I suspect, so is my daughter.
It’s quite a revelation.
I have done more research and digging into myself which is leading me down to a formal diagnosis. It seems you were probably right although my symptoms are certainly on the mild side.
I think I am the least obvious of my family (to me at least) but it has been a fascinating and illuminating journey thus far.
penelope@penelopetrunk.com