What to say to my sister who is wasting her talent and money

I’m worried about my sister. She’s a 21-year-old INTP. She’s a genius yet she decided to give up academics in favor of being a professional cellist. Currently she lives off playing blackjack and manipulates older men into giving her money because she’s hot.

Two things worry me:

  1. She’s completely irresponsible when it comes to money. She splurges all her winnings, has absolutely no savings and often can’t pay rent.
  2. I can’t imagine her feeling fulfilled in the cellist job. This seems like such an out of character choice for an INTP. I can’t figure for the life of me why she is drawn to it.

She’s an adult and can make her own choices, but I can’t help being worried she will end up broke and unhappy, having wasted years pursuing a career that’s not the right one. Should I say something? Maybe suggest another career choice?

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How to get authority over another department of the company?

My company is fairly small (~100 people) and only does outsourcing. Finding another job is certainly an option. However, I work with my boss on a daily basis and he’s actually very open to hearing ideas on what his employees want to do with their careers. I think he’s an ENFJ. Still, it seems crazy to just ask him to give me a project to manage completely out of the blue.

I’d greatly appreciate any advice you could give me. My job is so full of excruciatingly boring details, tedious and unchallenging that even thinking about it makes me want to slit my wrists.

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I can’t believe I didn’t see autism sooner

Divorce threw so many new stressors into my life that forced me to realize my “failures” were actually just areas where I needed to make autistic accommodations for myself. The kids’ dad is autistic. My children are autistic.

 I don’t know how I didn’t recognize I’m autistic sooner. It’s not that I think there is anything wrong with it, I’m just so completely not used to thinking about myself this way. But it’s a relief to recognize it because it explains a lot.

Do other people say to themselves I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner?

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Have you considered getting lasers done for aging?

It looks like you’ve been putting retin-a on your face but not your neck, and now your neck looks older than your face. Something like Morpheus8 could help with that. I just think everybody should be doing IPL and such, since there’s no reason not to (besides cost and some pain).

No offense, it’s just my current obsession, and I’ve been having great results from the IPL.

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What is the point of me writing when I have a baby?

Can I use it to shape a different career for myself or make money somehow? How will it help me develop as a person? Because I have a baby, and we already established that I don’t spend enough time with her, so I really don’t need another special interest that takes up a lot of time. I want to make sure that if I start writing that I’m not just doing it for some extra dopamine.

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How can veterans negotiate their civilian salaries?

I’ve been a career counselor for 23 years and currently work with a transitioning veteran organization helping high performing veterans with their post-military plans.

Veterans want to know how to negotiate their civilian salaries, which is a first for almost all of them.  Given that their military salaries are posted publicly I know that they face unique challenges. I’m trying to learn as much as possible to help this population with their specific concerns.

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How can I communicate with my daughter and not cause her to shut down?

My daughter needs me to respond to her differently now. I don’t know how to help her. She shuts down when we talk. Even when she reaches out. I think she needs more compassion and empathy. My default is to go into fix it mode.

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Here’s my business idea that is low-risk and successful

What do you think about a reselling business focused on clothes? I’ve struggled with motivation and getting things done in the past.

I love that there is a very low risk way to succeed in the business – basically I shop at Goodwill Outlet stores where you pay $1-2 per pound for clothes, and I pick the biggest money makers and then sell them on Ebay/Poshmark for a profit that is 4-10x the amount I paid for them.

I found a group run by two guys on Ebay and they’ve taught me a ton on improving processes. Many people in the group make $50K to $150K in a year or two. I feel like I finally found something that I’m passionate enough about to get through early hurdles of the business.

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Are you conflating childhood trauma with autism?

I’m concerned that you combine environmental factors and personality type to come to a diagnosis of autism.

I wonder if the conflation helps the parents who’ve exposed their children to trauma escape responsibility. So when someone self-reports childhood trauma, instead of it being trauma inflicted by parents, it’s autism that the parents couldn’t help.

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